decided to wow my folks with my new found cooking prowess yesterday and make lechon kawali, the way our maniac-of a maid used to do before. i started off with the recipe but kinda just bluffed my way through most of it since i only knew how to make it in theory. the finished product, expectedly did not turn out as planned. i put sugar in the marinade which caramelized when i started to roast the slab of bacon. we didn't have lechon kawali, but at least i now have the recipe for asado! hehehehe
while cooking, my mom brought up the topic of my being gay again. this time, worrying how we will break the news to my dad. she was also worrying with the fact that now, being openly gay mean that i will be alone since being with a woman is out of the question. she still tried to have me reconsider the option though, of finding a "very open-minded" girl. i think it was rather cute of her to try to help me, well, survive being gay. to be honest, i haven't really thought about what my life will be from here on. my coming out came so suddenly that it didn't really give me time to plan things well. so what now, really?
do i want a family? hmm, maybe. i know for a fact i don't want to be alone. do i want to get into a relationship then? well, dunno know yet. the thoughts of "dating" is just so weird for me, gay or straight. what if it was gay dating? would it be an issue to be seen in public since not everyone knows about my being gay? huh? if it was straight dating, well, i sincerely doubt that will happen anytime soon.
right now, i feel, i am still in that phase of trying to build myself as this new person. i believe i haven't changed that much. the only thing that is different i guess is that i am more comfortable of being who i am now that i was before. at least the internal struggle is over as far as knowing who i am. my mom told me when i came out that me finally admitting i was gay "made a lot of sense". i guess it put an answer to a lot of questions for her. as for the external aspect of my new life, well, that will be dealt with when the situation arises i guess.