Sunday, December 20, 2009

countdown to 2010

goodness me, it's almost the year end yet again! i almost didn't even feel the year go by and lo and behold, it's christmas again. whatever happened to all the months before december?

i (officially) have two more days of work, after which, my kuya and i are flying off to spend the holidays in the mad christmas shopping rush in HK. not really saying wer going there to participate in the rush (i still have to recover from the singapore trip), wer really just going there to experience the weather and get to finally use the winter gear we have strangely accumulated through the years. why we have winter gear while living in a tropical country is beyond me, we just do!

i can almost taste HK now and smell the city air, perfumed with the scent of steamed dimsum and pots of noodles glistening in oil.

before that however, i am bracing myself probably for the two most toxic working days in my (recent) professional life. details aside, i think trying to squeeze in demands of THREE jobs in such a tight schedule is a recipe for disaster, but i don't really have a choice. BAHALA na si BATMAN, as people often say. there's going to be trouble eitherway, anyway, so might as well just do what can be done and hope for the best.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

in my arms

despite the harrowing start to my day (involving an inconsiderately idiotic jeepney that swerved through 2 lanes and almost SMASHED into my car and STILL continued to drive off like nothing happened), i am choosing to mellow myself down with a dreamy wish....

i would like to sing this song one day, if God permits, to my future child, when i have a family of my own. to the future recipients of my undying love and devotion...



In My Arms by Plumb


Your baby blues, so full of wonder
Your curly cues, your contagious smile
And as I watch, you start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage
and storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

When the clouds will rage
And storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always, always love you

When the clouds will rage
And storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

wanted: a shrink

someone once told me, in all his wisdom, never to air my dirty laundry in public. so taking heed his advice, i won't... i'll just hide my ranting in symbols, codes and if needed, tell my story with interpretative dance!

bwahahahaha! ugh. damn this sickening feeling.

must be the season. all this residual, materialistic, jovial atmosphere filling the divisoria air is causing havoc to my equilibrium! this year seems to be extra special compared to the years prior. theres extra traffic, extra stress, extra drama, extra inis.... extra, extra, extra.

(sigh) i'm sure hoping the year won't end on such a dismal note for me, for next year's sake.

so what has been the catalyst to all of this pent up agitation? a boy. (mader-faxing-gad!!!! of all things, right?)

i honestly have no idea why i feel so affected when on any given day, i could give a rat's (pardon the rats) ass, which i guess is adding to the reason why i feel even more peeved that i'm peeved!

ok. (lamas breathing...)

the entire scenrio is actually super lame, more on my part really. it's so lame and pathetic that its too embarassing to even say. AAAARRGGH, just thinking about it wants me to hit my head on this brick wall.... or even THAT one over THERE!!!! huhuhuhuhu.... what's wrong with me???!!!

why did you have to message me you effing prick!!!???

why couldn't you just leave me in peace, in my life of solace, instead of me now contemplating on stalking you and downloading programs just to know ur VISIBLE even if your INVISIBLE on YM!!!!!???

see what you turned me into??? SEE!!!!!

i just HATE IT!!! i hate it so much, it's exhausting.... and yet, i can't stop. it's like that curse where you get cursed to dance forever, even after you die.... or whatever if even such a story of a curse exists...

LECHE KA!!!!! why do u have to be so intoxicatingly stalker-worthy!!!!

and get this, everytime i muster the strength to be rid of you, u suddenly make paramdam and i find myself going thru the roller coaster ride of getting rid of you ALL OVER AGAIN!

i just HATE IT! HATE IT, i say. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTEEEEE EEEEEEETTTT!!!

huhuhuhu....

i need therapy, bad.

Monday, December 14, 2009

traffic mayhem

you know traffic is bad when even the motorbikes and pedestrians find themselves stuck.

two hours. two, long, bladder bursting hours. that's how long it took me to get myself home, when normally, it would only take me a good 20mins drive. good grief!!!

i knew something like this was going to happen. i was kidding a few hours prior with my secretary about dreading going home since i had a feeling traffic was going to be bad. Christmas always makes coming home stressful for me. it did not help when i read from a blog that approximately 1,000,000 people flock to the streets of divisoria everyday. ONE MILLION!!!! of course while i was joking, it never occurred to me that the FATES would take my jest seriously.

as i took off on my usual route home and emerged from one of the side streets, lo and behold, chaos greeted me with open arms. there was a raging fire that broke out at the tondo hospital. tongues of flame licked the dark night sky, forming an ominous orange halo around the burning building. the road was blocked and frustrated motorists lined up as far as the length of the avenue, honking in their agitation. frantic traffic enforcers tried to ease the gridlock but did miserably. i had to take a LONG u-turn and get myself to wrack my brain for other alternate routes. i wanted to get home badly. it had been a long day and i really needed the rest. this obstacle was not what i needed and the sooner i get over it, the better. sadly, this little hiccup was just the start.

a million shoppers in an already congested neighborhood certainly will never do a place any good.

after some traffic acrobatics and driving like a maniac, i was able to get myself on what i thought wud be a free street to at least take me near home. i knew there was no escape from the traffic jam but at least, i thought, i could make the experience far shorter than what was necessary. however, it seemed like tonight, EVERYONE had the same idea of taking this very same road. vehicles were locked tight in an interlacing knot, only made tighter as pedicabs and ambulances tried to squeeze their way through.

to say that i was exhausted would put things lightly. i tried to keep myself calm and focused since people go on survival mode when under these stressful conditions. cars were inches away from each other, trying their best to occupy every bit of space they can, hoping that by doing so, they are closer to their destinations. it was like this for a good hour and a half more. i soon found myself inching into divisoria, soon to experience the climax of this entire ordeal. need i also add that in the midst of this harrowing experience, that i DESPERATELY NEEDED TO PEE!!!???

i finally got home without incident. i immediately rushed into the house, dropped my bags and ran straight into the john. i think i peed out my intestines as i let loose what could have been enough fluid drown manila in another ondoy catastrophe!

GOD. let me not have another experience like that again!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

the standard chartered singapore marathon 2009

i couldn't believe i was actually doing it. i was falling in line at the gate to board the plane... to fly out to singapore to join my FIRST ever international marathon. to say i was excited would be an understatement. i kept telling my kuya and narnian (who was the main reason why i was "duped" into joining, hehehe) that i can't believe i'm flying to singapore just to run!!! people often jest that i'm a running addict and i have always been quick to dismiss their teases, but after this, well, i guess i am officially owning the brand!

hi, i'm jamie, and i'm a running NUT!!!

in the plane, i could not help but notice the gazes i keep getting, particularly since i feel like the entire plane was full of runners and people were already sizing each other up as early as now. every passenger wearing running shoes was a suspect. every passenger wearing mizuno waves and a garmin watch was a definite give-away! come immigration with luggage in tow and you see all these serious faces emerge. kuya, narnian and i were definitely not alone. indeed, a lot from our flight were in singapore specifically for the race. i never felt so intimidated.

we were graciously greeted (with matching jumps for joy and tight-cheesy hugs) at changi airport by another running buddy, ian, the rainbow runner, who is now based in singapore. seeing him after all these months and running the marathon were the two main highlights of my entire trip.

the standard chartered singapore marathon is an annual event that has been attracting worldwide runners every year to the lion city. this year, there were around 50,000 registrants with 17,500 running the full marathon and 10,000 for the 21k. at first, i thought this was an exaggerated amount, surely there can't be THAT many people right? there really was THAT MANY PEOPLE. my kuya booked us at a very strategic hotel, just a block away from the esplanade bridge so it would be easy for us to get to the venue, and from our room, you could practically see the ENTIRE country lining up at the starting line. it was insane! i commented later that the most people i saw in a race here in manila was probably the condura run which only had around a few thousand participants. the amount of racers at this race made the condura run look pathetic. kudos for the singaporeans to keep things orderly still despite the immense numbers. runners lined up according to their expected time of finishing so that people dont scramble and push come gun start. leading the pack were the kenyans, as always :) how do i know all this? THE ENTIRE EVENT WAS ALSO BEING BROADCASTED ON LIVE TV!!!

the 21k run started an hour later, after the full marathoners. standing near the starting line, i had the weirdest cocktail of emotions, which i guess was normal. though interspersed with some dread, i was for the most part really happy. the weather was cool, the sky was clear, the energy was high as everyone was just excited to run. narnian and i bid each other good luck and awaited for the gun start. BANG!!! 10,000 runners from 40 different countries began inching forward. no pushing, i noticed, since we were wearing chips so there was no rush to start. THIS IS IT, i told myself. singapore, toured in sub 2 hours ( i hoped!) i began my run with a light jog, as i always do, taking great care not to shock my legs too much of the grueling task ahead. i can't really say i prepared that well for this race since days owing to singapore, i had been feeling rather ill. despite wanting to condition myself, i thought it was wiser to rest than to jeopardize my trip.

the first few kms i use to acclimate myself to the run. gross as it may sound, this is the only time i enjoy being drenched in sweat since the moisture keeps my clothes glued on to me like second skin. i managed to get myself new running tights a few days prior to the race and am now enjoying the full compressive support they offer (no laughing on my squeaky voice because of it!). i was trying to use narnian as my pacer since he tends to run more consistently than i, however, i quickly lost him in the sea of people. i was on my own again. i was running down the tips i had made for myself, a sort of mantra i had learned through the many runs i have joined. it's all about control more that speed. i had to be conscious not to waste my energy overtaking or accelerating. there will be opportunities for that later. a few kilometers later and the runners began to clearly get divided, the more serious runners emerged at the front, the leisure runners trailed behind. i quickly found the open spaces i like to situate myself into and with some overtaking, i managed to find my spot. this would be my space for the remaining third of the race.

the run, compared to the other 21k i have joined was pretty easy with lots of flat ground and gradual inclines. i recall cursing everytime i find myself along mckinley or bayani road when racing at the fort since the terrain there is just so hostile. here, everything was smooth. even the weather was cooperating. humidity however became a source of challenge as the day progressed. somewhere around my 17th km, i found myself practically gulping air because it felt so thick. i so wanted to do explosive breathing but felt embarrassed to do so since NO ONE seemed to be doing it (unlike here at home where ppl have screaming matches, hehehe). i had to content myself with brief coughs instead.

since the terrain was generally flat, i didn't stop as much, only doing so everytime i reach a water station. i would slow down to reach for 2 cups of water, one for me, another for my overheating shoes. i was hoping they would offer more energy drinks but that was only available at the latter parts of the course. no fruits for 21k runners as well. i guess according to international standards, we dont need it, hehehehehe.

my body had been pretty patient with me. no major complaints yet. no shortness of breath. no aching joints (yet) and no struggle to stop. that was, until i reached km 19. humidity reached the peak for the race and it was getting difficult to breath. i was slowing down as well since my feet felt like it was burning. i am now wearing anti-blister socks and though they free my feet from chaffing, they leave so much space in my shoes that my feet slip and slide inside, adding more friction. all the water (and sweat) that found themselves in my shoe helped cool it down but unfortunately added undue weight to them as well. i was also making lots of noise while running since my shoes now made loud squishing sounds with each step. people kept looking at me as if the noises i made were distracting them from their run. nakakahiya!

when i finally saw the marker for the last 2kms, i began to accelerate. by this time, we were joined by the 10km runners as well so i immediately found myself in a denser flock. whatever energy i had left, i was mentally shunting them all to my legs as i inched closer to the esplanade. i'm near the bridge, the finish is RIGHT THERE, i tried to psyche to myself. upon reaching the end of the bridge and seeing the starting point, i was greeted by the worst surprise, the bridge wasnt the finish line!!! we still had about 100 more meters to go. hahahaha, i literally though i got lost and heard my entire body scream in protest! what kind of sick joke is this?!!! where the F**K is that finish line. we made a turn at the Fullerton hotel and dashed towards the old city hall. FINALLY, someone cheered from the crowd "don't give up, one more curb and your there!" that was the on-switch for me. RUN, jamie RUN!!!!!! run like ZARA IS ON SALE!!!!!

the mad run to the finish

the manual that came with the race kit said not to sprint to the finish, to savor the moment when crossing the finish line. HELL NO!!!! i had a time to beat and i wasnt wearing a watch!!! whatever energy the running gods could spare me, i availed of them ALL. seeing the clock and the crowd of cheerers at the end was the most joyful sight in the world!!!!

my official time, 1hr 52mins. finishing at 283rd place among 10,000, putting me at the upper 3% of the finishers. i feel sooooo proud!!!!! :)

i hope to run again next year! hopefully a 42km. also, masmarami na sana ang contingent from manila!!! what you say narnian, misterhubs, jaybeecc?!!! ian!!!! lets lets next year!!! rainbow runners, unite!!! :)


kuya and i, displaying our finisher's medals

Monday, November 30, 2009

the opposite of eloquence

there must be a word for it, surely there must...

this, when all your thoughts don't matter;
this, when you feel transcendent in the free fall;
this, when the past and the future disappears;
this, when you wish now could just last forever;
this, when you feel safe in your weakness;
this, when you find shelter in another's strength;
this, when hope and fear smash into each other;
this, when the wreckage feels surmountable;
this, when pain is a reasonable asking price;
this, when you are willing to die for gain;
this, when you sweat in the cold;
this, when you shiver in the heat;
this, when you tear in pleasure;
this, when you smile in grief.

this, when you finally have something you've wanted so badly;
this, when you still realize it's not yours to keep;
this, when words now don't seem to matter so much;
this, when you feel satisfied in it staying vague, lost and unnamed.

Friday, November 27, 2009

the tao of the run

i arrived at UPD shortly after 7pm. i parked at the same spot i always park in, right in front of this building i never really bothered to learn the name of. i had always favored this spot for some reason. it was dark, semi-secluded, under the cover of the university's many gigantic trees. as i got out of my car, the heavens suddenly opened and it began to rain. "great timing" i mumbled, just when i BADLY needed to "do this". i decided to pass the time in the car and wait for the rain to let up. no amount of precipitation, unless of ONDOY-proportions, will stop me from having my run tonight, i determined.

"... feel free to join me tonight." i texted one, but didn't get a favorable reply.

"... wanna come with?". i messaged another, but never got a response.

"ei, are you joining me?" "i can't. my client just invited me to thanksgiving dinner." answered the third.

the rain stopped almost as suddenly as it started. i changed to my running gear and began my warm up jog, running in the opposite direction as everyone, like i always do. i took extra measure to control my pace, remembering that it was at UPD that i injured myself the last time. i paid attention to my foot placement (i should land on my mid foot. that my shin should be at least perpendicular to the ground. my heel shouldn't strike the pavement so much); my breathing (pacing was the key. i shouldn't hyperventilate and remember to take deep full breaths to stretch my intercostals to keep them from spasming); my running form (don't slouch. don't lean too far back either. i am an inverted pendulum. running should be automatic and effortless).

i tried to concentrate on the road, on the runners, on studying the technique of other joggers as they came, and as they went. i tried to soak in all this information, hoping that by overloading my brain, i can be made cerebral again, when my mind is at its strongest, and when my emotions are rendered insignificant.

running does this for me, i have learned. it makes "feeling" loneliness far more bearable.