Friday, December 9, 2011

small things

hello blog.

it's has indeed been a while since I was last here. Many things have happened since my last visit. So many, I really have no idea where to start. There's just so much to tell, some I have actually forgotten already, but some, the major ones. the significant ones, of course, I will never forget.

for starters, I just passed my first year of being in a relationship. yes, my beloved and I just celebrated our first anniversary. I never really thought I would get this far, just because I never really looked that far ahead. But just because we did get this far, it fills me with hope, and maybe, to allow myself to see that I just might not grow old alone after all.

I took him to lunch at La Cocina de Tita Moning, just for a change from our usual mall-dining experience. I also thought he might like the taste of home cooked food for a date (not my cooking, obviously). he however loved the place more, I believe. it reminded him, he said, of the place they lost to the lahar when he was young. i could see that, as he was sitting on the receiving sala sofa, that his mind had drifted off already to simpler, happier, more peaceful days. I was happy nonetheless. its details like this that make lasting memories after all.

We had our first major fight a few days after that. On his birthday, of all days. My fault really. I was an idiot. A good one at that.

Our anniversary celebration continued to his first trip abroad. We flew to Vietnam to Saigon. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck more than half of the trip since I sincerely dislike things when things go wrong, and considering we were both going to a country we have both never been to, and that i was with a first-time flyer, things did go wrong. the trip however was an eye opener for me. indeed there are many things that i thought that i had already dealt with with myself that still were there, and indeed, it took very little to unearth all the nasties inside me again. it was saddening yet enlightening, in a way. taking the optimistic way, my beloved and i chose to move on passed our differences and trudge ahead to possible commonalities that would strengthen our bond... this transition of course was made faster with a visit to the war museum. nothing makes your problems feel insignificant once you see pictures of dead bodies and deformed people, all after effects of man's hunger for supremacy.

my beloved learned how to haggle, and not to bring heavy books in his luggage. i learned to be more relaxed and be more patient... and not sweat the small stuff. letting go gave me more room to love, and love i did.

i also, in the midst of all this self discovery, am now a licensed interior designer. yes, i passed. thank the Lord. now, to get projects. Good ones hopefully and not the errand-esque projects thrown to me by relatives who think that what I do is easy.

I brought him to Singapore this year. We both ran the Singapore Marathon, tho we ran different distances. All that time, I felt my role change from lover to mother as I was scared for him most of the time. A part of me wanted to show him the world, yet a part of me wanted to keep that innocence about him. Then theres that part of me that just wants to keep him safe and not loose him since Singapore can be rather overwhelming sometimes...needless to say my worrying had its climax when he had to take the train alone to his race starting point. there were moments where i felt i was nagging already but i guess i justified it in my head that what i was doing was for the best. im happy to say that the race was incident free and that we BOTH survived :)

so many small things to say from the many small things that i have seen. the many small things that make the patches in this quilt of memories i am now making of me and him, him an me. my heart skips a beat when i see the quilt slowly grow in my head. every stitch, every square is another crystal eternalized in my heart.

i hope to grow this quilt to be big enough to be lost in. big enough for both of us to be lost in. to lie in. to cuddle in. to love in.