Thursday, August 14, 2008

faking it

short of sounding like i am outing myself as a hypocrite, i have to admit, i am guilty of many accounts of being a faker. in the years of my existence, i have intentionally dooped countless people into thinking of fictitious scenarios and feeling baseless emotions. these people have been the victims of, not a malicious act, but a mere survival technique that i learned to make people either feel better about themselves (often at my expense, which by some reason, make me feel better as well) or for them to "drop it" and just leave me alone.

i have faked happiness, compassion, wisdom, enlightenment, satisfaction, concern, excitement, interest, purpose, passion, intelligence, strength, courage, enthusiasm, friendship, love, devotion, and yes, even "THAT". funny, looking back at my list, seems like none of them are negative. does that mean that i am just one sad lonely schmuck deluding myself into thinking i am actually fine?

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