gay pride

today marks the annual gay pride day worldwide. most probably, on every city with a rather prominent gay community, there is either a parade or a roaring party. here in manila, malate is hosting its "white party" to commemorate the occasion.

since this morning, ppl have been texting me to ask if i was going. i reply back "i'm tired and have work to finish", but deep down inside, i really want to say, "what for?". i don't really have anything against parties, though i personally don't like attending them myself. something about dark places packed with strangers just makes me feel uncomfortable. withe regards to white parties... well, as i told my friend a while ago, the last time i was at a white party, i almost got myself trampled to death by hordes of tiesto crazed fans.... all of which ended up either muddied or bloodied.

anyway, the truth of the matter why i'd rather stay home than go and celebrate my individuality and ogle at very cute ppl at the same time is that i really don't get the entire gay pride thing. not that i don't feel proud of who i am, but really because i do feel proud of being who i am. to me, i really dont need a DAY to remember who i am since i basically live in my skin every single day, and i have every single day to use to celebrate being me.

i guess it also stems from the fact that i dont feel being gay makes me any more special than the guy sitting beside me reading his newspaper, or that girl by the bench who's waiting for her boyfriend to please arrive on time! so what if i'm gay? is it REALLY that big of a deal? should i have to join fellow gays to remember that we are gay, and that straight ppl are no longer vogue? that gay ppl have more fun? that we are more artistic, eloquent, classy, fashionable, educated and then some!? that gay ppl are also promiscuous, deviants, loud, crass, divas and all that other stereotypical crap?

to be honest... gay pride to me just makes us even more like outcasts in a world that is trying hard to accept that we are here. maybe i'm just discreet but i think a lot of the reasons why ppl have difficulty taking us seriously is because we tend to play into the stereotypes, and nothing really drives in the nail than during these events on the height of gay pride. of course i am not excluding the fact that straight ppl have their "moments" as well, that all the "bad press" homosexuals get are not exclusively homosexual issues. i'm just saying, by congregating in such concentrations, it's hard not to overlook such preconceptions. heck, i'm gay and i can't help but feel judgmental.

i feel rather frustrated since despite having such concepts already looming over our heads, it seems that we don't try hard enough to change it but rather, throw ourselves into the very misconceptions themselves and prove the narrow minded ppl that they are right. why can't this be the theme of gay pride? that gays are not what you all cut us to be? that at the end of it, when u really choose to see us for who we are, you will see that we are just like u. humans, men, women, seeking for acceptance, finding a place to belong, wanting to love and be loved.

was talking to my mom a while back and she told me something, her fears for me when i came out. she was afraid that if ppl found out, that they will treat me like i was second class.... a fear that i too know is true. to a degree i am thankful that here in the philippines, gay ppl are not that much discriminated against, however, i think what my mom was referring to was not how strangers would treat me, but how those whom we already know would react.

the world does not revolve around gay people, neither should my world revolve on the fact that i am. i have mentioned before in a previous post that my sexuality is only a piece of a far greater whole, a far greater whole that composes my person. i am who i am not just because i happen to like men more than women, i am who i am because i am smart, i am funny, i have a big heart, i love to laugh, i like to draw, design and cook, i love my family, i love God. i am who i am because of these things and more and i believe i should be viewed in THIS light instead of the small iota of a detail that i'm gay. that i believe is where true pride should stem from and something that we should have a day to remember it by!