tinder is up

Found myself swiping left more than right, like almost at a frantic pace. How do you even get a sense to find any of these people interesting by just looking at their faces alone? Im pretty sure other people are doing the same with mine. 

Interestingly though, i happened to match again with a guy I chatted with years ago when I first installed the app. Funny. I guess preferences dont change as much.  

Mom struggled with having breakfast again. Eating for her is like a chore she hates doing. Once i surrender to her complaints, she suddenly becomes fine. I sometimes wonder wherther im being too hard on her, or if im dismissing whatever shes feeling as mere figments of her dementia. I really dont know. I just want her to live a good life. A life where she can enjoy the things around her and not just be swallowed up by this disease. 

The end of the year is coming and i cant really say if im feeling hopeful or not. I can steer myself either way, either which feels equally daunting. Choosing to stay in this path with bring about the same stresses and pitfalls that have put me in this slump in the first place. Choosing a different path will on the other hand bring about a whole new set of uncertainties that maybe an old dog like me can no longer handle. 

What to do. What to do. 

Wishing things were more simple. 

Hey. A tinder message....