Wednesday, December 13, 2017

day 1

Day 1 of taking the meds and Im pretty sleepy the whole day. It’s supposed to reignite my creativity but so far, nothing significant has happened yet. Keeping my expectations low just so id notice the more acute effects of the meds, if any. 

Apart from the sleepiness, I somehow feel an overwhelming sense of lonliness and detachement, this despite the fact that im surrounded by people pretty much all the day. People zip pass me, even family and it almost feels like all this interaction are but phantoms, fleeting memories and imagining that I am alive but to a degree not really living.

Not even the feelings of love could make a dent. 

I have been pining over a certain person for a long time now. I show my concern. I express my feelings, discreetly. I sometimes imagine my intentions get reciprocated... by a touch, a hug, a sincere “thank you for being there”, an “ i think of you too”, but alas, my imaginations can only be so convincing. It cannot conspire with the universe to make my heart’s longings come to be. Maybe it is all for the best. Some of us are meant only to dream. My last love burned me greatly. Possibly because like moths, i am only destined to admire from afar, and never to venture too close to the fire. 

1 comment:

M.T. said...

Sending you A thousand hugs and love!