Monday, April 13, 2009

pantintero

nagpupumilit akong lumusot kung miminsan, iniisip na baka sana, kahit ngayon lang, di siya nakatingin. sana, kung pupuwede man lang, papayagin akong mabuhay na di nararamdaman na ako'y hinuhusgahan at hahayaang makatawid sa dakong panig kung saan ako'y puwede mabuhay na malaya... pero, di siya ganun. tatakbo pa lamang ako ay masusulyapan ko na ang kanyang tingin. di nya ako hahabulin, sa katunayan, hahayaan niya pa akong makaabot sa kabilang dulo kung ito ay aking nanasain. bibilis ako sa aking pagtakbo, ipipikit ang mata para di siya makita, at sisigaw para di siya marining. ngunit... di sya kumurap, di siya nagsalita, di rin siya gumalaw. datapwat walang hangganan ang kapangyarihan niya, di niya ito ginamit sa akin, tanging tingin lang ang kanyang binaling. tanging tingin lang ang pumigil sa akin. babagal ako sa aking pagtakbo hanggang sa naglalakad na lamang ako papalapit sa linya na gusto ko sanang tawirin. hihinto, iikot, pagkatapos, parang bigong sundalo, maglalakd pabalik sa aking pinanggalingan; yuko-nuo at kaladkad ang aking sama ng luob, dala dala ang bigat ng aking mga panghihinayang. sa aking paglakad, nakakapagtataka at di ko man siya nakitang natuwa sa aking pagatras. ni bahid ng isang taong nagtagumpay ay wala kang makikita sa kanya. sa hitsura ng kanyang mukha, sa ayos ng kanyang tindig, parang ang buong pagkatao niya ay ngabubugtong hininga, parang maslalo pa siyang nabigo kaysa sa akin.

di rin kasi ako marunung umintindi...

* * * * *

an interesting discourse is unfolding in a blog i frequent about a topic i hold dear to my heart. i have attempted many times to leave my opinion but have found myself deleting it, even after a very lengthy composition. i did so since it just felt like it was not right enough, nor was it proper to add further fuel to the fire for, from the looks of it, the embers were burning white hot on their own. to think all this started from a picture.

ideas and beliefs are now being dealt on the table, all valid to a certain degree, all respect worthy. it is however saddening that after all that has been said and done, that this rather healthy discourse would bear no healthy fruit besides more tension, more misunderstanding, more stubbornness, more pride, more self righteousness. debate is at the end of the day but a glorious exercise of the self, only cloaked in eloquence and apparent soundness of thought.

a wise friend once said to me, when i asked him long ago why despite his great knowledge and vast experience, that he not use it to convince others to side with him and his beliefs. even in the lights of persecution and chastising from lesser, more inferior proponents of weaker arguments, my friend chooses to keep his silence. unperturbed, unprovoked. his answer was simple, like how answers always should. it contained utter clarity and light, enough to prove how right i was to think that my friend was indeed wise, and also, how foolish i still was at that time. he simply said: "no one wins in a debate. debate never gained souls." true enough, debate services no one and nothing except one's own ego. it can never enforce genuine change for it is too selfish of an act for such a high and self effacing cause.

* * * * *

naisip kong minsan na gusto ko ring sana manalo laban sa kanya. di ko lang inakala na sa aking pagkapanalo ay talo pa rin ako.

patawarin Niyo po sana ako. salamat po muli sa Inyong pasensya at pagmamahal...
i will not be a lost cause.

14 comments:

bampiraako said...

wala talagang nanalo sa isang pagtatalo. Pero maraming matututunan kapag ang pinagtatalunan ay maayos na pinag-uusapan. (huh?) hehehe

Enjoy mo lang ang patintero. Ang paglalaro nito ay nakakatulong din para matanggal ang stress. kaya lang kapag hindi ok ang mga kalaro mo, more stress ang mapapala mo.

i'm a narnian said...

omaygah. napatagalog ka.

:: cb :: said...

a good friend once said to me "there are many ways to lose a battle. the first is to engage in it." i dunno.. call me passive agressive but i've always hated confrontation..

wouldn't it be nice if we could resolve the world's greatest issues like we would when we were kids.. leaders of nations would gather and play rock paper scissors to decide on policies and diplomacies. hehe

Niel Camhalla said...

All these stress because of a blog?

*tsk tsk tsk*

wanderingcommuter said...

sorry naman neil... hehehe.

feelingero.

dati, naintimidate ako dahil ang galing mo mag english, ngayon pati tagalog. wala na!

hindi na kita kakausapin. hehehehe..

i was trying to come up with a post about patintero and after reading this post, i couldnt think of any better way to write it..

Trip said...

life is not all about winning, most of the time we lose. but always it is in losing that we learn because there is an experience we missed living.

Trip said...

p.s. stay cool jamie. ;)

jamie da vinci! said...

@bampira. my life seems to be set on a course to gain wisdom. and king solomon once said, the fear of Jehovah is the beginning of wisdom.

@narnian. naudyok ako dati ni victor greg. sayang, di na sya nagsusulat ngayon.

@cb. i can imagine a UN summit wherein the delegates are playing hop-scotch or better yet, chinese garter!! :) really, i can!

@niel. no stress here, just regrets.

@ewik. coming from you, i am greatly flattered by the compliment. don't shun me away naman, i'll miss your unique form of insanity! still, i have yet to find another to trump the jimmy neutron imagery!

@trip. im cool, hence i did not give in to the urge to comment and perhaps get myself into an argument. i guess as one matures, we learn to choose our battles. some are worth waging, some, we shouldn't even bother ourselves with.

it was just sad that God got dragged into the dirt again just so ppl can prove a point. tsk, tsk, tsk.

Toilet Thoughts said...

Magcocomment sana ako tungkol sa post, pero nabasa ko ung jimmy neutron na sinabi mo.

Sasakalin ko kayong dalawa ni erik eh.

wanderingcommuter said...

toilet thoughts: fiona peace!

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

Natawa ko sa comment ni Narnian.. Di lang din sya siguro sanay parang ako, with that composition galing sa'yo, ahaha!.. When I was a kid, I never enjoyed patintero.. Ewan koba, pero di rin talaga ako nanalo sa larong yan.. Buti pa Moro-moro. You know that game?

Kumusta pala ang takbuhan?

dabo said...

I think why most people debate about God is because no matter what we do, how many miracles in one's life could occur and how many unexplainable things we tried to explain, God will always remain nothing but unexplainable.

We are not dragging God's name in dirt when we talked about Him. He created dirt, why judged "dirt" as something to despise of. I am more concern was God rolling His eyes when His little foots were debating about Him? Was He capable of blushing too, and getting choke (maybe He is eating) after reading how silly my comment is? Getting choke and blushing are human, I bet God created those kind of reflexes too.

We are not human with souls, but rather souls having human experience.

But who knew..

But no matter how I tried to figure things out, I am not going to know everything, but if I asked Him I know He would answered me. He created everything, the absence and the presence of everything.

In fact He created the Universe, in perfect working condition, that all we have to do is to find our own answer.

Mike Murdoch law of recognition said, what we need in life is already here, all we have to do is to celebrate life and what we fail to recognize exits our life....more or less parang ganun

all we have to do is to ask the proper question or seek the answer for ourselves.

--- --

the secret things belong to the Lord our God, and those which are revealed belong to us

Deu 29:29



sabi ng isang study sa US, the more men tried to figure out Happiness and life in general, mataas ang chance that we won't find the meaning of happiness. thus in relation to Deu 29:29, sa sobrang dami ng nilikha Nya, andami sa mga ito ang hindi natin ma-aapreciate.

This is also consistent sa kwento ng the Little Prince (what is essential is invisible to the eye), sa essay ni Ralph Waldo Emerson about self-reliance(what is true in your own private heart is true for all men) and lastly sa sinabi ng physicist na si Dr. Stephen Hawking* (man is not going to know everything)

--- --

kapalig has no right or something to say we are sinners of because of what we do or something of what he is not experiencing or his experience is better than us... it's not a game.

jamie da vinci! said...

@poi. as ewik said, er, fiona peace :)

@dylan. is moro-moro like pepsi-7 up? ewan ko lang ba kung meron pang may alam nung laro na yun?

@dabo. what i meant about God being dragged into the dirt is that people have used Him as added weight to their argument, which for me, doesn't feel like it is the most respectful thing to do with the creator of all. i completely understand that our comprehension is limited and finite. i have resolved myself to that fact a long time ago, hence, it is wisdom that i seek now, not knowledge. there will always be questions and answers will always lead to more questions. God made it like that i guess. it keeps us human and dependent. but in wisdom however, i don't question as much since i believe that my destiny has been set. my existence really won't be any difference if all the why's and how come's get answered. it does however if i keep giving thanks and look at everyday as a gift to gain more of my God.

bakla na kung bakla. husgahan na ako kung husgahan. eto ang buhay na binigay sa akin at naniniwala ako na may pakay rin ang lahat. sisikapin kong mabuhay na naayon sa udyok ng aking paniniwala, sa mga turo ng akong konsensya. sa huli, sa Diyos lang naman lahat tayo sasagot.

MisterHeuge said...

This post struck a chord in me.

Just remember: God loves us unconditionally.