"ikaw ha, why are you so jaded?", exclaimed my friend as i gave him my honest opinion about his very recent, failed attempt of getting into a relationship. though i don't think i took the comment seriously, it did get me thinking whether or not there was truth in what my friend said, that indeed, i was jaded with matters of the heart.
my saturday night was spent in the emotional autopsy room, in the pathology wing of boni high-street, in the company of my love-lost friend, his loyal BFF and my favorite toilet, poi. it had been a long day and an even longer week but considering the prospects of meeting faces apart from those i share my work with, i surprisingly found reserved energy still in me to drive the distance to have a brief meal, and even share a sinful donut treat, capping my week off with something totally work non-related... ahhh.
the travails of my dear friend was a familiar story. so familiar that details of which need not be retold again since it is with absoluteness that i say, we all know how the story already goes. i guess it was my seeming impatience to consider the many maneuvers and convolutions of the failed relationship and how i had already made my conclusions on the matter that warranted my friend to label me as "jaded". actually, even his BFF, who agreed with most of my opinions, said it as well. which leads me to ask, am i then, really?
i should be careful not to dismiss such observations too quickly for everything deserves to have it's say. i digested the fact and took the idea into great consideration. part of my ego would scoff at such a notion, saying that i am actually quite a romantic, and a jaded romantic in existence is like saying there are also honest politicians about. though it would definitely serve me well to end the argument there and keep my pride intact, i however could not be appeased. i then thought maybe i was just learning to be a realist, even practical. surely my views on weighing the pros and cons of people and how they would fare when they collide can be deemed logical. there is a great sense made when one looks at people and predict their actions and reactions, almost with a level of certainly, backed by observations stored deep in my roladex of random info as reference, like variables in a chemical reaction. sometimes, with the correct components in the right proportions, in their right states, the reaction results in pure harmony... other times however, you stand back, button your coat, wear your goggles and prepare yourself for a show!
it is with my second rationale that i more likely related myself to. jaded? nah.... i was being practical. logical. SPACK-ish. i am, at the end of the day oriental and practicality runs in my veins.
hmmm, then again, the jade is also my people's national gem.