emo binging

- march 26, 2009. 10:00pm

an entire loaf of ham and cheese bread, a can of chocolate crinkles, a slice of home-made blueberry cheesecake, a cup of coffee, peanuts, a can of coke and japanese wafers from matzusakaya; all consumed as my snack before i bid farewell to a long day's work, just because my mouth craved for something to taste. it didn't really matter that i just finished having my dinner not more than 10 mins before.

i have often wondered about these binging habits of mine. it has been a while since i had these episodes, even more, the fact that i actually craved for something to eat. lately, my palate has been rather indiscriminate as i too have found that food no longer offers me the same delight as it used to. sad actually since i really do love to eat. i guess with me, as i get older and try new things, the old things i enjoyed before make room for the new. food had had its place in my heart but now, something else had taken it's place... just not quite sure what it is yet.

these binging habits of mine, i used to think, came about due to my depriving my body of the nutrients it needed. i had been training for the past few months and besides running, i still go to the gym. i barely eat anything since food lasts pretty long with me due to my slow metabolism. i eat normal meals still though, don't get me wrong, just that i eat very small portions of it. i can eat a minuscule amount of food and can survive with just one meal to last me the entire day. i may have thought i was taking in enough fuel but i was apparently wrong. i recall learning from HOUSE that our bodies often crave for things it knows it lacks. that being said, then mine was telling me it DESPERATELY needed CARBO... and LOTS of it.

much to the surprise of a lot of people but i have already eliminated rice as a staple to all my meals. i have done so for the past few years now and have never looked for it ever again. my carbo nowadays mainly comes from veggies as well as fruits and of course... my chocolate :) besides that, i rarely touch rice, pasta or bread. i must admit, my approach may seem to be a bit harsh but it did work for me. i didn't feel my performance dipped as how ppl would think when you eliminate carbs from your diet. on the contrary, i feel it more if i have carbs in my meal, worse during after lunch time. with binging however, i often go for the starches and the sweets, most probably for its effects on the hormones in the brain. sorry if things start sounding geeky, but, sweets help stimulate the release of happy hormones, hormones that are harder to quit than sweets. this would probably be the reason why during emo moments such as now, it is the fridge that i turn to for solace and the orgasmic treats that lay within. with each enlightening, serotonin releasing bite of these carbo laden morsels, i get my high. a smile crawls up my face and for a brief moment in time, sadness is dispelled leaving me in a state of gustatory ecstacy. quite unfortunate that such moments don't last me so long since one problem i always encounter with sweets is, like in all things happy, when you finally reach your climax... there is no where else to go but down......

- march 27, 2009

.... what happened? ah, yes.

sugar shock. my body isn't used to handling high amounts of glucose anymore. i guess if i eat too much before bedtime, i simply just conk out. crap... now i have crinkle crumbs all over me. paksyet!