Thursday, February 26, 2009

last night

i stood in the middle of richie's driveway as ian smoked his cigarette in the porch and found myself staring at the clear night sky. the girls were upstairs busy playing "rock band" on richie's PS when i just felt i needed to get away. ian wanted his smoke so i decided to accompany him. the air was warm but thankfully so, manageably dry. i missed the cold the early days of the year had brought and yearned for it still. i missed the comfort it had provided me, how carefree i became when immersed in it's cocooning chill. i fixed my gaze on the three familiar stars of Orion's belt and was reminded of a joke my cousin and i shared. it was a welcomed distraction as i was beginning to fall again, drawn by the inviting dark expanse, bespeckled by her charming diadems. it was tempting. i took to the council in my head. i asked them if i can be allowed to strum the strings of my past, just this once, and hear its familiar tune again. there was a quiet response to my request and with a deep breath, i succumbed to the call of the night. for a brief moment, i was lost.

the stars aligned themselves to me. they suddenly became my audience, i, their one singular point of attention. i cast onto them the whispers of my heart, the dialogue in my mind, the arguments of my will, and they all listened to me carefully. in their steady pulsations i knew they were in deep thought as well, in great consideration as they all have been my faithful witnesses all this time, all these past years. they spoke to each other, discussed with each other, weighing the merits of my situation. i followed them with my eyes, the stars volleying back and forth, growing brighter, glowing sharper, then fading back to a fuzzy burn. i caught myself smiling all of a sudden, the first true smile in what seemed to be ages since the tumult of my days began. it came from sensing that i have finally got it. i have finally learned to let go and surrender. i have finally learned the lesson, or appreciated the part my Lord has wanted for me. the stars continued on with their display, like giggling children passing along a naughty secret, until i heard myself say "remember". the stars had left me their instruction. i looked at the night sky again and to the quiet splendor of my stellar friends. i remembered. i then searched for the moon, for what was to frame this perfect picture better than to sight the queen who reigns the night, but she was no where to be found. i smiled again... i should have expected this much, for indeed it was finished. i took my last breath in my reverie and on exhalation muttered the name of my Lord... my offering of gratitude for granting me a sliver of His wisdom this night. i then offered my wishes, a prayer that i hope you see also the night sky, the same one we have shared. i hope that tonight as well, you feel the same peace i was granted.

"serious, aren't we?" ian spoke from behind while blowing out a plume of smoke. i turned and started walking towards the porch again. richie came out to join us now, craving for his nicotine. a summer breeze blew across my face, my present reality stroking me tenderly. i am reminded then that my days of old has now ceased. a new season has begun.

6 comments:

Mugen said...

Whenever I am baffled with questions or sinks into hopelessness, I seek solace by stretching my neck and turn my gaze towards the sky. The stars have the power to inspire and make us ponder on things. No wonder the great thinkers get their answers from heaven.

Nice entry. I feel that you're on your way towards recovery. I hope that you can spread your emancipation to your friend as well.

joelmcvie said...

Speaking of moving on...

I like the new white background, I find it easier on the eyes. White also goes well with a polar bear (and I noticed the color-coordinated white t-shirt on your avatar).

What I miss though is the polar bear photo. And for some weird reason, I kinda miss the falling dandruff... este, snowflakes. Hehehe. But not too much. =)

joelmcvie said...

Pero... OMG!!! Moving fishes (how very Pisces, hehehe)! Ooooooooooooooohhhh... very purtee! =)

REDLAN said...

nawili ako sa pagpi-feed ng pets mo. hehehe. Kakapasyal ko lang kasi dito

joelmcvie said...

Feeding your fishes is sooooooo relaxing, I swear! Stress-reliever ng over. =)

MkSurf8 said...

reading this makes me want to go out and gaze at my own constellation.

there's peace if we simply yield and just loosen the grip.

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naaliw din ako sa feeding the fish. ;-)