morning musing

i slept late again last night. work had to be finished and i was having "designer's block" at the worse possible time. trying to figure out how to float a 9-foot solid timber door in the middle of a glass wall is not really as easy as one thinks. struggling with drawings late in the night, i often find myself binging on whatever it is my hands (or mouth) can find. in a span of an hour, i have gone thru a bag of chips, slices of cake, coffee, milk (drank separately), and beef jerky. grazing like a starved cow, i doubt our fridge had any way of preparing for my surprise onslaught.

i finally had to stop myself after i noticed a pile of empty bags of packaging and plates slowly accumulating in front of my PC, that and my fingers were starting to get sticky (sorry, bad habit. totally unhygienic, i know). while i struggled to break away from totally raping our food stores, i found myself thinking again as to why i have these binging sessions. blame it on the "trying to understand myself better" mode i am currently in, it's not uncommon actually to find myself in these introspective sessions.

i certainly was not eating to fuel up. dinner was just a few hours ago and i certainly was not hungry. so it could be that i was emotionally pacifying myself (yet again) with food. if so, what was bothering me then? enough to the point that i was stuffing myself and risking "bangungot" (acute nocturnal pancreatitis) just to make "it" go away?

i woke up early this morning, jolted up by a persistent and undeniable call to the great white throne. more than "bangungot", i should have expected THIS as the more imminent risk. what more was i expecting with that cocktail of a midnight snack?

needless to say, my morning is not starting out good at all.... UGH!