i am turning out to be quite an adrenaline junkie nowadays. not to misconstrue with people who engage in rather extreme activities like, let's say, bungee jumping or even more extreme, dancing while pretending to apply deodorant for the entire populace to watch, my definition for the term is by far more conservative.
i registered to join a marathon not too long ago. i said registered since the marathon will be this saturday and i have yet still to fully convince myself not to chicken out.... like the typical coward that i am. now before i completely discredit myself, allow me to state my case on the matter since, i for one, do not believe that my lack of courage is the only issue at hand. there is for the most part, the issue of me keeping myself alive! no exaggeration there, despite my propensity to roll into high drama! though i don't believe i am suffering from anything seriously fatal except probably for some idiopathic maladies related to my stress, this did not seem to fully convince my folks when they accidentally stumbled upon the waiver form i was to fill up, as part of the registration.
mother expressed her concerns first.
mom: "what's this 5K thing? you're joining a race?!"
mom: "i'd rather you not. it's dangerous! and 5K is far! it's like...um, FAR!"
me: "don't worry too much. i have been training to increase my endurance. besides, i don't really have to run all the way."
mom: "but still, i think its dangerous. you could DIE!"
like with all dotting moms i guess, the impending demise of their children always play in their minds. sometimes i even wonder if my mom dreads the day or anticipates it with relish since she brings up the topic of me dying more often than what i would really feel is necessary.... hmmm (i think i should sleep with the lights on now...).
now, though my mom's argument was not really anywhere near solid (like most of her arguments, really), it definitely did not do my confidence level any good (most especially the part of me dying). realistically of course, i do know that even with all the training in the world, i can never reach the endurance level of a KENYAN (realistically???). i don't think i can even reach the level of a kenyan even if he was starving! but still, i thought to myself to at least give it a try, now while i am still young and able and well, healthy i suppose. isn't it really the trying that matters the most, i thought.
not even having to recover from my talk with mom, my dad pops in and has a go on the issue as well.
dad: "what's this waiver? you're joining a race!?"(how come it sounds so much like a surprise?)
me: "yes. i'm joining a marathon, not really a race, RACE."
dad: "but you don't run! you just lift weights. so what now, just because you think you're fit, you think you can run a marathon already?"
me: "you need not worry! i just want to try it out and see how well i will fare"
dad: "but you need training! this is highly taxing, running. and you're not built to run. running is only suited to two kinds of people, those who are in track and field and those who are into basketball!...."
dad: ".... you don't even do either! my friend was a runner, you know, and he said that you have to train rigorously for events like this. he knows, he was a professional, they even sent him to china to compete! he said you have to eat right, not too much, nor too little! some get carried away and eat too much, they then can't run and just fall down because they were too heavy!"
me: "i know, but..."
dad: "some don't eat at all, like you, those just faint out of exhaustion! some even get rushed to the hospital! then you have to drink right as well!, you recall allan? my other friend? he plays basketball and out of his entire team, there's only 8 of them still ALIVE! all because those who died drank COKE after they played. coke is full of carbon dioxide and when you're tired, you need oxygen! those idiots never thought of it and just reached for the coldest drink.... there! patay! they would practically need an ambulance to follow you around."
me: (my mouth stayed agape for a few more minutes after that, in absolute disbelief of the conversation i am in. it's only a freaking race for goodness sakes! i'm not running for president!!)
my dad, bless his twice infarcted heart, scrimped no detail in informing me of my possible, painful, disgraceful doom, if by some chance i still decide to join. i really did not understand that pep talk i just had. part of me was trying to rationalize that my folks were just concerned for my well being. part of me on the other hand questions their rather unorthodox way of showing their "concern", by ripping me into shreds.
needless to say, you cannot last long in this family without learning to take things in good humor. though i was practically massacred, i still was able to smile and collect my thoughts, more so, hold on to the idea that i will still run. i started it, training for it, might as well run it. so yesterday, i officially joined and am now in possession of my race pack. though there is a sense of pride i feel for pushing through with my decision, however gruesome my end will be, i still however could not shake off the dread, my gathering anxiety, for the upcoming event. being the worry wort that i am, being care free and having fun are ideas i have yet to fully embrace.
so now, i train. i train almost every morning, running laps around the quirino grandstand. i really have no idea how much i have run or how long it has taken me but i honestly don't want to concern myself with it. i really just want to run. i'm still having second thoughts but i'll leave that for now as well, i just want to run. i want to run and show my parents, and myself, that i can run 5K.... and live to tell all about it.