eyes wide shut

"kiss him", the familiar voice told me. it's tone, non- suggesting but more like demanding that i give in to the deed. i leaned in and did just that, feeling his tender lips rest against mine. i was standing a short distance away, taken aback by my seeming coolness to kiss what almost looked like a complete stranger, wondering to myself, how can i be so nonchalant, more so, who is this person telling me what to do? as i turned my gaze upon the owner of the commanding voice, i saw myself again, standing by myself lying in bed with another, a person who's face i now recognized. we were kissing, slowly undressing, giving in to carnal desires, all with careful attention to specific instructions from my directing voice. i was three separate consciousnesses, all sentient of what the other was thinking, doing, experiencing. i zoomed in to take a close-up shot, in the middle of my kiss, i could see the angle was perfect. as i turned away, not being able to bare the lewdness of the act, my hand reached down to him and i felt his soft skin burning against mine. "finish it now" i said again, our bodies now intertwined in a dance of violence and sheer lust, my expression, air-hungry and almost in complete disbelief.

i opened my eyes to the blinding fluorescent light of my bedroom, to the flickering screen saver of my laptop. the room was freezing and i was without a blanket. i looked at the time and realized i had fallen asleep again, fatigued from working three consecutive nights. i could not handle it anymore. i clicked on my laptop to hibernate. i collected all my documents strewn all over my bed, and reached for my fleece blanket. as i got up to turn off the lights and rested my head on my willing pillow, i felt myself slowly slip back to the dream, but i was now alone. no one else was there.