Tuesday, September 15, 2009

puttering

i think i might, just might, be feeling the tell-tale signs of a major burn out. that said, i really don't know what i can do to improve my endurance than to simple ride out the "storm".

there has been a lot troubling me these past few days, most of them about anxieties of what is to come. it frustrates me a great deal that until now, i don't seem to have things all figured out. i recall telling myself that by the time i reach 30, i'd be made. i'd know what my purpose is and i will have direction in my life. yet the big 3-0 came and went and i still feel i am no different from the time i had that thought. i still feel clueless. i still feel i have no direction. i definitely feel i have yet to be made. all of this, what i am feeling now, this is what scares me.

i would sometimes try to console myself that my time will come eventually, that all i have to be is steady. strong and steady is the secret of the game, i say. but when i am amongst my peers, some the same age, some older, some younger, i cannot help it but feel a tinge of panic... mixed with a smaller tincture of envy i guess. ask me what i do and i cannot answer you unless it's in the form of a paragraph. ask others the same question and the answer is most often short and simple: doctor, lawyer, account executive, agent, architect, engineer, vice president, president. ask me what i want to be years from now, and expect another dizzying paragraph. ask others and be prepared for another serving of skillfully executed conciseness.

(sigh)

people i recall said that time is one commodity you can never buy back, and i cannot help but feel, maybe, i had been wasteful.

9 comments:

MisterHeuge said...

Or you can think of it this way: Instead of just having one life purpose, you have many different purposes. A multi-purpose polar bear. That's not so bad. =)

i'm a narnian said...

it's never a waste. :) unless you don't learn anything from it.

tsaka bakit di mo ako nilagay don sa list? LOL. :)

i also find myself explaining what my job entails to people I just met. my job title ain't really succinct.

joelmcvie said...

All in God's good time, dear. All in God's good time.

And having succinct answers doesn't necessarily mean we're "made" or "at peace" with where we are right now.

And to quote Baz Luhrman: "The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't."

MkSurf8 said...

smile lang. =) no one gets "made." if you do, then it's the END. just enjoy the ride.

Rainbow Runner said...

just ride it friend. the sun always shines on tv, ah este, behind the storm clouds.

*hugs*

citybuoy said...

don't worry. we all have this naman. it drives us to improve ourselves. perhaps it's time to make a big change. :D

Knoxxy said...

I know what you mean. im juggling two jobs here. im burning out fast. need to get out and have some fun!!! ggrrrr...

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