decisions

i was sprawled on my bed this afternoon, half asleep, half awake, half decided whether or not i would take the afternoon off, since i thought it would do me some good, and get a massage. i decided to go.

the drive to the spa was more than the usual today, probably due to the unusual weather, probably due to the unusual day i had. i could not help but notice how the rain poured and waned as i traveled the moderate distance. i could not help but think and rethink of the day's activities as well and the many thoughts i have been having these past few days. but i also thought i should give myself some reprieve, there will be time for this later. i decided to stop.

reaching the spa and changing out of my clothes, i went into the steam room and immediately caught his attention. i also immediately sensed him out. you learn to do this after a while i reckon, besides, he wasn't really being subtle. i sat across him and him, across me. i toyed with the thought of what could happen as he sat there and did his business, whether or not he was mindful that i could see him despite the thick steam, i do not know. i was tired and my fatigue took its toll as i could feel myself slowly slipping away. but just as i was about to fall away, i decided to catch myself.

i watched his shadow on the room wall as he labored hard in kneading the knots out of my back. i had expected this already but could not do anything to help him but remain relaxed and quiet. in my stillness, in my efforts to cooperate, my mind began to wander again, to the thoughts of the morning, to thoughts of my many yesterdays and the duties of tomorrow. he caught a nodule on my back and pressed it, causing me to spasm all of a sudden, breaking me from my reverie. it took me only a while to relax again, for my body to loosen and relent to the beating i was submitting myself to. i decided to stay in the present.