today

i greeted mader superior this morning after realizing how long it has been since we last communicated.

this week has been quite harrowing to say the least. four of the six secretaries at work decided to take three days off and fly out to boracay leaving the office severely undermanned. in no time at all, i found my already toxic days grow exponentially from bad to worse faster than you can say "holy F#*@!". it was like being caught in an avalanche of stress. adding to auditing, i found myself taking customer calls, running orders into the warehouse and attending to rather irate clients. i also had to deal with my own client's calls since my interior project is now in full swing. dad's condition at home was also far from perfect and i would find myself constantly worrying about him as well. needless to say, every end of the day, i would just be barely hanging on to the fringes of my capacity. being a creature of habit serves as a disadvantage during these occassions since, despite being exhausted to the bone, i am still compelled to do my scheduled rituals such as kickbox and jog. i know it sounds crazy but believe me, it would be worse for me if i skipped these activities.

as day 4 arrived and the secretaries finally came back in, i found my overdriven system begin to decelerate. i took a long deep breath and allowed myself to resume and relish my normal pace. it was at this time that the urge to just burst out crying came about. it was more like a sudden exasperated feeling that came over me and all i could think about was just to sob. but i didn't. i certainly didn't want to be "tragic" after all.

mader superior found herself confiding in me. it stirred a discomfort within for her predicament felt too familiar. this was the story of another's defeat, and how it just sucks to be always the one who ends up loosing. i sometimes feel, fate is just ungrateful.