Thursday, August 20, 2009

apologies for my looseness

it rolled effortlessly off my tongue, rather, i typed it effortlessly and pressed send, without giving it a second thought. it was a smooth transition from idea to execution yet the moment the deed was done, my gut went on an upheaval. i was too late to stop it and simply sat and watched the ripples of my actions come into effect.

yan ang sakit ng taong gusto makisawsaw sa buhay ng iba.

feigning concern was i? what was my motive? what was i hoping to achieve with that aimless statement?

my splintered psyche stayed apart, assessing the damage of my blunder. not really too much, to be honest. i certainly have done much worse before, yet it was still damage nonetheless. there was one shaking his head, another rolling her eyes, another frozen in panic and slowly having the sensation of shame overwhelm her.

haaaay naku. ayan kasi. ayaw pa kasing dumistansya. ayaw pa kasing umiwas. ang daming pwedeng pagkaabalahan, yan pa ang pinipili. wala namang ikabubuti. wala namang mapapala.

fine. etching this lesson onto stone... again, company to the countless other lessons my stupidity, tactlessness and lack of self restraint had led me to experience.

what a fine specimen of character i'm turning out to be.


wanderingcommuter said...

i just thought... uhm...

Dhon said...

There's a picture brewing in my head about your situation... something about it feels so familiar... Yikes!