mornings...

my day didn't end so well as i had hoped last night. i really should learn to recognize red flags when i see them and keep the ball from rolling. sometimes however, i really don't know what to do.

decided to sleep it off instead. i wasn't getting any work done anyway, the bite of my current funk i guess. as i prepared to go to bed, i said a little prayer to God, asked the same questions i have been asking for the past few days. i had hoped with some persistence, i could get through and He would finally shed some light into my predicament. last nigh however, it was not yet time. He was quiet but i knew He was listening. i have always had a strange way of figuring out if my prayer is effective, meaning, if its hitting the right buttons, that is, whenever i start to pray, i get bombarded by distractions. a friend once told me that whenever we pray, u rock satan's boat and he doesn't like that, hence, he'll try everything he can to keep u from praying.

my room was quite except for the steady drone of the A/C. same old, familiar environs: my messed up bed, my messed up room, my vanity, my nightlight, my pillow, my blanket. after praying, i decided to sleep differently and have my head on the foot of the bed instead. the bed felt different from this side, so was my view of the room. i read somewhere before that there's this designer who does exactly this whenever he needs inspiration, he just does things differently. he said that when u do things differently, u see things differently as well. rather difficult for me who is a creature of habit, different can be nerve wracking sometimes.

true enuf, my "strange" slumber did not last long as i woke up on the right side of the bed. somehow, in the middle of the night i turned 180 degrees to sleep on the more familiar side. my subconscious probably could not bare the difference and hence took matter in its own hand.

i awoke to the same sounds of the neighborhood, amidst the beeps of passing cars and the voices of the squatters who live below. i could hear the faint voice of my mom while she was over the phone and the steady drone still of the a/c. good morning world... good morning Lord. the first thoughts of the day... what do You have in store for me, i wonder?