it must have been the yoga, the food at Abe, or the heavy rain, but i found my sunday yesterday quite enlightening. while savoring the dishes the narnian and i were having, and while listening to his opinions and thoughts aboout his past turmoils, i could not help but feel tickled with the realization that our lives were quite parallel.
for the most part, i had wanted to keep my mouth shut and just listen to him talk since i felt there was no reason for me to contribute to the conversation anymore. to do so would just be too redundant, i felt, since my pains, my worries, my thoughts were already being worded out by this more eloquent friend of mine. but the need, i guess, to hear myself just say out loud what i really felt made me do so otherwise. i wanted to hear myself say it out loud. i wanted to affirm that what i felt was not imaginary. it was real. it happened. whatever it was i was going through needed to be acknowledged. i was tired of hiding behind niceness and being proper.
i cant really say i felt good after airing out my thoughts, but it did give me some form of clarity. i guess the heavy feeling im lugging around would eventually dissipate, inshallah, with time and effort. for now however, i think i have to work on stopping myself from being all too caring and learn the value of nipping a bad thing in the bud.
i know i have repeated this many times over already, but it seems like i still haven't heard it enough. God is telling me something and prodding me to go a particular direction. i think He's telling me that i had the chance to do things my way, and that it was about time i give Him the chance in steering my life a try.
i'm not being preachy, this is not the blog for that. but i try to regard God to be as real as the person sitting beside me now, with a mind, a soul, a will, a sense of humor even. i guess this perspective is good. frees me from a lot of that religious crap that ppl keep throwing at me. anyway.... that's a bit off topic na.
so. as of today, i am making a conscious effort to really, surrender and move on. BAHALA NA PO KAYO DAHIL SUKO NA AKO. YOKO NA! take it all. i really have no use of it anymore. goodbye bridges. goodbye memories. goodbye idiotic ideals. goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. it was wrong from the start, and however which way you look at it, it's still wrong. that's the lesson. i really, really shud have been smarter.
haaaaaaaay naku. YOKO NA NGA!