met up with my dear friend, rich, at trinoma this afternoon. TRINOMA, the mall that is fastly becoming the thorn in my flesh.
it was nice seeing him after all this time. having worked closely with him for so many months on my first project, it was almost a ritual to see him. however, as my project finished and a new one began (not involving him, this time), i haven't had as much time now to bump into him, much more, spend time and just hang. actually, even our meeting over lunch today was pretty short as i had a call that i was needed in libis right away and he had stuff to finish to as well. such are the travails of adult life i guess...
today was again one of those days wherein i find myself asking, why do i even bother? while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and juggling 1001 things to do in my already frazzled head, i had to force myself to quiet down a bit since i almost found myself screaming inside my car. yes people, stress has gotten to me again.
if feels like warm blood running through your veins. it tingles in my fingers, and it fills my head with air. my chest feels inflated and my heart feels suffocated. your brain goes numb and your senses becomes heightened. this is me when wound tight as a spring. rich was saying that i look haggard. i told him i was ready to snap. i couldn't really go into detail with him since doing so would just be RANTING and i have promised myself that i would quell complaining and just learn how to manage. apparently, RANTING is not managing as clearly expressed by my kuya once when he told me point blankly during one of my murmur sessions, "if you can't do anything about it, don't complain." of course, i did not understand the wisdom in what he said at that time since i was too busy feeling pissed. i do now though, hence this entry is not going anywhere near there.
ugh.... i just have to shake this off. i really, REALLY just want to wake up and feel ready to seize the day and not feel negative or resentful. i am starting to realize that stress comes with life. everyday is really a fighting day and we have to be always prepared. a day without fighting means you didn't really live life that day. even waking up is a fight. though stress comes, it really need not rule your life. everyone gets stressed so there really is no need to feel extra special just because you feel like the world was suddenly dropped on your shoulders. so your stressed, deal with it!
right now i'm trying to slowly let things go... give up the obsession of having control over everything and just let things be. shit happens as they say. the sooner i relax, the sooner i will be able to recharge and be ready again for another day.
sigh, well, looking at the bright side, at least i'm not feeling as guilty now of my upcoming trip next week. Lord only knows how i will need it.