i have had this lingering thought in my head for the longest time. i know it will turn out to be an interesting read in the end, it's just that i have been having difficulty putting the thought together. the idea first came to mind while i was writing about my experiences in dubai, all of that walking down memory lane resurrecting issues i have long thought forgotten. such is always the case i guess when dust is unsettled as we tread on old paths again.
dubai taught me a lot about myself. through trials and hardships, i had to learn how to endure and fight for my principles. i eventually became more fortified because of it, but not after i experienced some kind of psychic-mitosis wherein my manners of thinking eventually became separate and distinct. i wouldn't want to think that i am now having tell-tale signs of multiple personality disorder, just that in handling my life back then, in true JAMIE-fashion, my weirdness just had to take center stage.
didi, my senior, was the first person to experienced my multifaceted-ness. she was the first person who got introduced to natas'ya, my vivacious, russian-lebanese, french maid vixen. christened anastasiya maysoon stanislova el-khoury, natas'ya would be my senior's favorite personality for very obvious reasons. she was the more flamboyant, bubbly, chatty, gregarious, bitchy, flirtatious me. unrepressed, unapologetic and free-spirited, natas'ya was a great companion on a dull, gloomy day. she's the shopping guru, the fashion savant and the gym bunny, basically your over all perfect gurl-friend. natas'ya however, also represents the more emotional side of my psyche. impulsive and very moody, she is not the best to count on during stressful situations. she's also shallow and ridiculously vain, aggravating me often especially since i would think i am neither of the two. but despite all this, she is the person i turn to for solace during a hard day's work. her innate frivolousness and happy air lightens even my most defeated of moods and help reinforce the optimism that tomorrow is another day and things will be better.
there was however a time when natas'ya disappeared, much to my senior's dismay. i remember she would plop herself at the chair beside me and ask, "jamieeeeee, where's natas'yaaaaa? i want to bitch!!!!". but natas'ya was no where to be found.
"i think ling-ling finally had enough of her. she's been driving her insane these past couple of months with her noise and her incessant whining. ling-ling finally snapped! locked her inside the closet. ling-ling is in control now."
"who the F*** is ling-ling!?" didi asked, agitated and in desperate need of her natas'ya fix.
ling-ling is another facet i later discovered. she is my chinese, middle-aged (or so she claims) and basing on her demeanor, perennially menopausal accountant. she represents the grave, serious, calculating, apathetic, and logical me. with very "vulcan" features, she wears a pale and sharp face, slits-for eyes peeping through her hazy spectacles held up by her narrow nose. her razor thin lips taper into tight corners, the left, punctuated by a hairy mole. her dull ashen hair is bound taut into a neat bun, with careful attention that no stray strand would disturb her face, else they interfere with her precious work. almost a product of intense communist reprogramming, ling-ling is always seen wearing a washed out grey linen, button down blouse, dark beige linen pants, and her black cotton flats. you would always find her sitting behind her worn-down mahogany stained, cedar-table, on a similarly finished stool that definitely have seen better days. she sits there day in and day out, clicking away feverishly on her abacus as if computing for the answer to life's mystery. this is ling-ling. severe, obsessive compulsive, and very predictable. she is also natas'ya's antithesis and mortal nemesis. though ling-ling's strengths lie on handling tough situations in near hellish conditions, her rise to control does not always guarantee success. her compulsions to consider all possible options and to do things ONLY in a certain way have been the cause of procrastination and many delays. her lack of emotions, though are very objective, have also led to harsh rule of almost tyrannical degree. she lives an unrealistic, stressful and lonely life, despite having such a sweet sounding name. it is however no coincidence that her name literally means "zero spirit".
dexter is the last to join the troupe of waring females who constantly wracked my subconscious. i guess he came about since i really needed a respite from the two heckling hens who i find always in a head butting match.
dexter is the child. smart, conscientious and idealistic, he personifies the part of me that my mom raised, minus the influences of the world. dexter is unlimitedly kind, tender, giving, nurturing and trusting. he is selfless and always conscious of other people's needs. he is the empath. virtuous, dexter also hold the moral compass and steers me towards everything good, nice and Godly. dexter, however, is also naive and often taken advantage of. years of being abused have led him to become more cynical (thanks to ling-ling's guidance) and more reclusive, in fear of being hurt again. he now explores his world through observation and using his smarts, create theories on how the world works, yet never bold enough to actually test and experiment their validity. being also the child and always being put under pressure by his two more seasoned, more opinionated counterparts, dexter has been wise to keep his views to himself in fear of being ridiculed. he then just aligns himself with whoever is more dominant and on certain occasions where his input is asked, inject his influence onto the person in control. dexter thereby is to be credited in the eventual softening of ling-ling's hard edges, and the tempering of natas'ya's emotinal flare-ups. in the end, dexter finds contentment is his small contributions. though it may be a while before he will find himself grown to be on the driver's seat, he knows that little by little, his presence will soon have as much authority as the other two.
the three are now revealed. the challenge now is to have them all cooperate once in a while. it certainly would do me a lot of help in managing life as i won't have to have three different voices trying top each other up in getting my attention. seriously... ang INGAY INGAY NILA!!! hahahahaha!
di pa ba ako talagang baliwwww???