heeding the call

it always astounds me how were are truly all connected in some cosmic manner. though my rather poor memory causes me to forget many of these occurrences, life as it seems, has its way of reminding me time and time again.

i found myself driving to a friend's house last night. i just got back from my rounds at work (and when i say "rounds", i mean crisscrossing the metro like a taxi driver on E!) and decided to take the invitation of a relative to join their bible study group. i thought to myself, why not? she took the effort to ask me if i would like to come, despite us really not being that close, so might as well take the offer. i didn't really feel i was simply just indulging her since, as i said, we weren't really that close. it however felt right that i went.

usually, whenever i get invitations like this from people, even from close friends from church, the voices in my head would go on an uproar. ling-ling would frantically go through her Rolodex of excuses of why i can't attend; natas'ya would want to simply say she has better things to do... like brush her hair while dexter tries with all his might to temper natas'ya's tactless tongue. this would be typical of me. though i have nothing against joining their groups, i somehow can't make myself feel comfortable being this intimate with people, especially with my situation and my beliefs of living my life. what often would come out of my mouth would be a tried and tested universal response of saying "no" without sounding too disinterested and offensive.... "let me see, i might be busy during that time."

last night however, i found myself surprisingly subservient to my relative's invite. i even went on further of asking for the complete address and what time they would be meeting. all very a-typical of me. the fluidity of my response coupled with my efforts of obtaining further information left the trinity in my brain with mouths agape :) dexter was found later beaming.

i got to the designated house in sta. mesa around 830pm, late and a bit harassed due to the awful traffic brought by living in downtown. i quietly sat myself at the back and allowed myself to be told what to do, my usual manner whenever i find myself in unfamiliar territory. by 915, the congregation of about 30 subdivided into smaller groups to pursue their bible reading. tonight was the last 2 chapters of 1 timothy. we read the verses and went on to share our feelings on the material. as i quietly listened to what the people in my group were saying, i could not help but feel at ease and even, at peace. very strange since this is the time i usually get most anxious for fear of being made to talk. i obviously don't like being put on the spot. i found myself quiet throughout but internally digesting every single morsel the people in my group were shelling out. in the end, they asked if i wanted to say anything.

i told them how profound it feels to be in their midst that night. i told them that lately, my environment feels as if its been squeezing me to the point, i feel suffocated and distressed. yet despite this, i find myself experiencing moments where things suddenly would relax, then something good would come my way, as if experiencing birth contractions with pulses of intense suffering with pauses of relief. i then told them about my call from dubai last sunday and told them the history of how the church started there. i eventually ended with how things are all connected, and that we should never belittle the role a link plays in a chain.

the relative who invited me, coincidentally, was in the same group as i (we were randomly arranged) and she commented after i finished. she told me that for three weeks now, she had the uncanny burden of asking me to join. it was rather strange since she too felt we were not really close, yet day after day, my name would not leave her. so she asked me eventually, and i came.

after the meeting, she asked me if i would like to join them again next week. i said i would. i was then given the new place where they would be meeting (they change week after week as people volunteer their homes) and found out that next week's venue was beside the massage/spa parlor i had planned of visiting on one of my " full moon" days.

God exercising His sense of humor again....