it's hard to be this old and still can't figure one's place in the world. despite having two degrees and having work experience in two fields, i still can't say that i have finally found what i would want to do with my life.
life was easy back when i was still in school. all i needed to do was to do well and keep my grades up. as long as my averages was in the high 8's or the 9's, everyone was happy. but then, i should have seen it coming. in high school, grades was all that mattered. test scores were almost tantamount to one's self worth in the world. yet grades don't prepare you for college. the shift from pampered high school boy to fend-for-yourself uni student was almost a twist i couldn't manage. but then, i did, and it did not take me long to go back to my old habits. study hard, get great grades because that's all that mattered. now, two degrees later, i look back and ponder, where did i go wrong? what did i miss?
wasn't it supposed to be that good grades, a perfect track record and excellent conduct would land you into success? shouldn't it be that after slaving my butt off studying my brains out, that i should be reaping the fruits of my labor? shouldn't it be like that? because i'm pretty sure that's what we were taught and made to believe when we were growing up. but how come it doesn't seem to be adding up now that i am at this end of the "process"?
now that i look back to the days when i was still in school, to those long hours and sleepless night studying all those subjects i had to master to be "great" in the world, i realize i neglected paying attention to the most important subject of them all. Mrs. Bueno, my english teacher in my senior year in high school told the class something that has since stuck in my head. i should have been wiser to have dug deeper into her words. she said "you may be the smartest pupil now, but don't be surprised when you step into college to find out that you are only average". that was to be my first lesson on reality, and i don't think i'm doing quite well on this subject.