the last nightmare

the memory of it is quickly fading, blame the efficient process of my over-protective consciousness. the emotions caused by it, however, remains. i feel bothered; irritated; and to a certain degree, angry. not really the emotions one would feel when you wake up from a nightmare.

i just had a nightmare not too long ago, one that i can still remember bits and pieces of, that it. strange about this particular unpleasant dream was, all i could remember about was the argument i was having with Irog. i remember tempers flaring, his and mine, and how it was strong enough to jolt me to wake up, fully lucid, despite how late it was already that i went to sleep the night before. i remember looking up into the ceiling, trying to control my breathing, my heart racing from rage. my head started to spin as i felt utterly bothered that i could be that mad, in a dream, against the person who has been giving me so much love this past 3 months. what bothered me even more was that, despite the efforts in dismissing the nightmare, my consciousness was not that willing to let go of it yet. there was nothing aberrant, nothing strange, nothing off about it. it felt almost like deja vu, or even a forgotten memory. processing it kept me awake long enough that when i finally fell asleep, my dream afterward was me having a long, wordy discussion with, i would presume myself since i dont recall any other character being there. it was like a british talk show, only i was walking around in this dark room, ruminating on my thoughts, fellowshipping with some other presence. it wasnt as charged as the nightmare and i remember i was calmer, more objective, even more serious. that dream ended finally, i believe, when my subconsciousness had it's vent. i woke up later feeling better, but still a tinge bothered and slightly irritated for what had happened....

all because, i honestly believe, i went to sleep close to BURSTING from my shabu-shabu dinner at a good friend's home. BEHOLD!!!!! our spread! none stop flow of every assortment of meatball, veggies and paper-thin slices of beef and pork, simmering in a hotpot, filled with a broth painstakingly made from pork bones, cooking over a coal stove for 3 long hours.... extracting its flavors and aromas. then, after you draw the cooked morsels from the soup, you dunk it into an intoxicating sauce made from garlic, egg, satay, soy sauce and almond butter before they inevitably end up in a welcoming mouth. o the joy and oh, the nightmares this feast of gluttony will bring, INDEED!