tuesday afternoon

i arrived at the coffee shop just in time, a few hours prior to my meeting. a few hours, just enough time for me to adjust, to rest, to unwind, to rewind, and hopefully, to get inspired again.

watching people pass by the large windows, walking past the shop's tall mullions, almost made it took like i was viewing a zootrope, a very large one at that. i was trying to daydream again, something i haven't done in a long time, but sadly, all i could do was stare blankly outside, my brain refusing to let go of reality. i turned back onto my papers, now bloodied in red ink as i had been drawing line on top of lines, hoping to score just the right one, hoping, with some luck, i would be satisfied.

i wonder if she'll like it. i wonder if she'll feel disappointed. i was thinking of my meeting later, my client being the manager that she is. a lot rested on this project going smoothly, part was my reputation, part was the reputation of other people. this probably explained the pressure i felt i was in, undue to a great degree, but i still have to unlearn how NOT to overdo things. wandering thoughts would distract me from an impending anxiety attack. random thoughts, for once, were very welcomed.

josef and alfonso dropped by, knowing that i was in the area. seeing them was genuinely uplifting. they made me smile, almost by reflex. i missed that as well, uncomplicated gestures of simple pleasures. we talked for a while, partly catching up since i haven't seen them in such a long time. partly, for me, just enjoying their company and feeling less being alone with just my work. we spoke about work and how we could escape it, even for just a moment. Sagada came up, and i offered them my experiences of the place. told them to ride "top-side" as the jeep meanders through the cliff face. scary shit, but nothing can replace the experience and the breath-taking view. we talked some more, our voices mixed with giggles and silence, eventually, the silence won over and it was time for them to go.

there weren't so many people passing outside the large windows of the coffee shop now, the streets were just filling up with cars. joel passed by soon after that, but my brain was already bracing for the meeting that was drawing near. i was present, yet i was absent as well, and could not be as engaging as i had wanted. my apologies, joel. coffee's on me next time we meet.

my contractors arrived finally. joel took his exit. i briefed them of the scope and perused through the contract, just to make sure all was in order. i packed up my bag and led them upstairs to my client's office.

the meeting went well. they often always do. i just wish i would remember this, next time i prepare for another meeting.