don't you feel it's tiring sometimes, when you have to constantly check yourself, even twice over, always trying to make sure that everything you say, everything you do, even everything you think, has to be proper, right and considerate? i don't know about you, but this has been a habit of mine for as long as i can remember. well, not really, maybe just as far back as the last sermon i got from my parents or my brother about being more courteous, more cautious, or more mindful, or more tactful of my actions. a good reputation is hard to build and harder to keep with people always more than eager to nit-pick on whatever weakness they can get their claws on. this being so, sometimes, it is better to be immobile, indifferent, unopinionated, callous, dumb, blind, deaf, rather than risk being troubled by what could have just been honest observations.
but people cannot always be quiet. i cannot always be quiet.
maybe i should start unlearning.