the answer

"you should tell your friends that you are a Christian", my mom said to me once while i was readying myself to meet up with a couple of friends for a party. i simply answered her, "they do. that's why they don't invite me out as much." my answer was meant to comfort her, that her son would not venture too far. it was my hope that despite how she may think or how she may worry about me, that i was still very much conscious of who i am first.

she replied to me with a face, a look i knew too well. i waved at her, smiled, grabbed the car keys from the key ring and said a small prayer for both of us before driving off to ortigas.

* * * * *

i have been asked, once too many, how i reconcile my identity with my faith. it is truly quite a feat, actually, and i never really considered how much at peace i am with how i see myself being a christian until i again was asked last night, and heard me give my answer. hearing my reply gave me a sense of joy again as i remembered how long and how hard it was for me to reach that point, ironically that i had to go through turmoil to reach this stage. hearing my reply also made me realize how much farther i still need to go, to experience, as far as my relationship with God is concerned. my sense of peace was just the tip of the iceberg, a foretaste, and there is still so much more ground to cover besides it. i realized, to a degree, that this must be my unique purpose, God's special intent for me, to discover Him in my own way and to truly know Him more subjectively.

the answer felt so simple. it didn't feel forced, convoluted, or overly rationalized. it was fluid, genuine, sincere, and it fit in perfectly, like how all answers should. saying it, hearing it, experiencing it should also bring about a sense of satisfaction as well as gratitude for, i believe, such nuggets of wisdom can only be God-given.

things are starting to fall into place, i feel. my path is starting to become clear. finally, the long wait is paying off and i can only feel but excited for what is about to come. God is indeed LURV!!!!