the fear

there's a certain type of fear that grows within the heart of man, once transcendental bliss is achieved. ironically, it appears when it seems all obstacles are surmountable and all barriers can be broken. in a way, i believe, it is good to fear even when you feel that there is none. it grounds you, it anchors you to some semblance of truth, rather than have you just simply float away.

wisdom, a proverb said, comes from fear, and in my case, my wisdom reminds me to tread the road of my days with care. hastiness can only lead to looseness, and looseness to many mistakes... some, i would never want to commit, especially when it would harm you, my beloved.

but here lies the challenge for me, though once upon a time, i feared for many things, for many possible mistakes, for many iniquities that may be, for many offenses that could come, around you however, i find that i fear none, and it worries me sometimes. i worry, maybe, because i could have lost all grip of reality now, too blinded with the sheer emotions of my affection for you. i worry, maybe because, in my over-thinking, i could be not mindful of my actions, not sensitive to your needs, not aware of your sentiments, your thoughts, your words, your actions, and that in my drunkeness and poor judgment, that i fall in love with the selfish euphoria of being in love instead, rather than the divine experience of simply loving you... which i do.

the fear comes from my failure to surrender. it stems from my need to control my environment, my destiny. i fear nothing when i am around you, and even if i tried to, the fear would not stay, because the day you came into my life, i unknowingly relinquished all control of my fate. i had been hoodwinked. i had been deceived by my Master. i had been distracted from my obsessive hold, and in the loosening of my strong grip on the reins of my life, He graciously slipped you in to my hands instead.

i fear none, because you were given to me. i fear none because my faith empowers me to believe that you were given to me, because i can take good care of you. i fear none because you make me fear none, because that is how strong you make me. you are my courage and my faith to my God, personified.