i am finding it starting to frustrate me, now on my nth try, how i am finding it utterly difficult to construct good, not even aiming for spectacular, sentences to describe how i feel. it is frustrating since, not just too long ago, it was so easy to put into words how horrible i would feel, or how agitating my days were, or how sad it was to be me. now that i am practically overwhelmed in unspeakable joy, words, after all these years that they have been faithful to me, suddenly, fail me.
i am frustrated because i cannot tell you how thankful i am, that i cannot embrace you with the tenderness that i feel in my writing, the passion, the compassion, the love, that effortlessly wells up within me at every thought of you. i am frustrated because it was through my words that i was able to once express myself, and yet now, could find none that could even come close to describe what i feel for you. i would love to declare, to profess, to confess, to shout, but alas, the muses refuse to budge, and i am left speechless, constipated, rendered impotent in my extreme efforts to write about my intense feelings for you...
and then, one morning, in my stubborn efforts to attempt at another post, something short of wonderful dawned on me, and it made me not try so hard anymore. it said, love is gentle, love is simple, and i found myself agreeing wholeheartedly. i have, i guess been so used to the whole theatrical production of presenting my emotions, poofing it up to exponential levels, just to validated my inflated and inflamed ego, but now that i have been served by something so pure, my soul just could not accept how beautiful something so simple could be... because that is what you are. you are simple. you are beautiful, just like how love was created to be. so here i am, professing again, but this time, with no effort whatsoever. i profess that i love you, and that i love you with all that word entails. it carries all my good intentions. it bears all that is good within me. it tells you that i will love you with the love you deserve, with the love that my God gives me. it says that i would cherish you and your person, that i would celebrate you in your flaws and in your strengths, for my love does not discriminate. i will love you with the simplest of desires, that i will not expect much, anticipate much, for i have all that i need for it is already sustained by your love for me.
loving you, my beloved, i realized, is easy, and it was why i knew it was you. it was only you. loving you is as effortless as breathing, even if it means gasping for air as i willingly drown in you.