Wednesday, October 6, 2010

polar attraction

do opposites really attract, and when they do, do they stay attached, like how atoms and magnets do?

i found myself questioning this adage this morning while on my walk to my gym. i was toying with the idea from the remnants of a conversation i had with a friend, about how his relationship began because of how different he was with his current beau. it got me thinking since, if i would describe all the people i found myself attracted to, they were essentially all similar to me. like attracting like, and the only thing that could pass as "opposite" would probably be physical attributes such as skin tone, height, race, etc. which then leads me to think some more, does that adage pertain to attraction only in the physical, superficial sense? or would it work with more intrinsic aspects such as personality, character and values?

i sometimes find myself frustrated, since, there would be moments when i would wish i could just let myself be content with the physicality of attraction. good looks, great smell, fabulous skin, etc. how i would sometimes wish mere appeal and that hotness factor would be enough, since, it seems that others can be ok with it and do look happy in their coupled bliss. but as i begin to walk that direction and attempt to educate myself in finding satisfaction with feasts for the eyes, my emotions would kick in, and it kicks hard. the disconnect with whoever it is that i am lusting over is more than enough to pull me away. it's a nauseating feeling, almost the same as what an acrophobe would feel when made to stand on the edge of a ledge. it weighs in my gut like a ton of bricks, and i become incapacitated. the beauty that i now behold gets glazed over, the supposedly bliss i am to allow myself, overwhelmed with disgust, a disgust toward myself, towards what i was giving up, towards what i am making myself become. i then find myself drawing away, excusing myself from the sorry situation i put myself under, made more shameful by dragging an innocent along.

yesterday, a pleasant acquaintance messaged me on twitter. our private conversation lasted pretty long, ending in that ever faithful question, "why am i still single?" sigh.

because i keep falling for the wrong people?

because the right person hasn't come along yet?

because God is testing my stamina and waiting for me to give up?

because, well... i really don't know.

1 comment:

Denz said...

let's face it. Love is a leap of faith. The next time you find interest in someone, try diving in forget the reservations, the insecurities, the dilemma that the relationship can cause you. Try to go below your standards. All your life you had been improving yourself maybe it's time to test if you can cross unknown water alive... don't worry i'm sure God will never abandon you.