it's an old new feeling, one that is very much still in the forming stages. the boundaries are still blurred, but the body, slowly substantiating. it elicits old reactions, of me thinking, wondering, trying to be cautious as i walk around this slowly developing entity, studying it with my most discerning eyes, trying my best to weigh whether or not i should let this continue or whether it would be better to simply just destroy it right now, despite its quasi-form.
here are the old reins again. slackened for now. i wonder would it be time to tie myself to them again, hold me down as i brace myself for another raging torrent, allow myself again this head spinning experience, or do i keep them away forever as i decide, enough is enough for games like this should never be played again. self doubt however would ask me, who says this is a game? then i find myself back again, walking in circles around this body, this emotion, this delusion, this illusion, of my possibly feeling again, of me possibly fooling myself that i am capable of doing it.
maybe, all of this is just the fever talking.