i am beside myself with giddiness, but more over, an overwhelmingly thankful and grateful heart.
* * * * *
epiphany sundays. my Lord shed light unto me once again this morning, while in the middle of my church meeting. this time, He allowed me to mourn.
i tweeted this already, but since you don't have twitter, and maybe had already stopped reading me, i would think it would be ok to write it here. if you do get to read this however, it's ok. there is no shame in this feeling.
thank you for the memories. my God was merciful to me again. He allowed me a bit of the "normal" life that i wished i had, but, because of many things, cannot be allowed one. it was in a very strange series of events that had led me to you. it was in a very strange series of events that got us close as well. the feelings were real, however, the timing was imperfect. it however did not matter, to me at least. i gave you all that i had that i knew i could offer. enough, i hoped, so that i can be remembered, and in return, had enough of you to cherish in my heart as well.
you are wise, way beyond your years. i think that by far was what endeared you the most to me. despite your youth, you felt steady. i hope you never loose your center. i hope you will always stay anchored, just the way you have always been.
i have always wondered why i never feel sad whenever i leave or say goodbye. in my head, i know i should for certainly, farewells are never a happy thing. yet however, i cannot help but feel detached, more so, even cool about the whole matter.
months after that last night you sat in my car, as i lost myself in your gaze and you in mine... i finally feel the pinch of sadness now. my Lord had unlocked my heart. turned, maybe, with the realization that i have now a great friend who has found his love, while i now, am saying goodbye, finally, to one that could have been.... but could not be mine.
bon voyage. life is beautiful. life is great. i am smiling in the midst of my mourning for, like in many things, i am always grateful to have had the honor of being able to experience genuine emotion, and your affection and love were definitely unquestionable.
thank you for it all.
thank you for it all.