i have always believed that in my life, because of some odd twist of fate, my God chooses to be patient with me. Despite not being the more exemplary of models who practice the faith, in His mysterious love and mercy i guess, He still chooses to speak to me, even answer questions that i haven't even had the courage to ask of Him yet.
kuya and i just finished watching "Prince of Persia" and were walking back to the car. as i walked passed the same beautiful people of greenbelt, clad in their beautiful garbs, sitting down with "friends" and trying not to look too obvious as they check people out, i could not help but feel, rather, listen to someone telling me... "have you had enough yet?" indeed, the game was on again and i cannot help but agree of how old things were getting.
vanity of vanities, all is vanity, Solomon once said.
i felt suddenly displaced, like something i had with me left me. i felt frightfully vulnerable and i increased my pace. the sounds of bustling greenbelt soon faded in the background with only my footsteps echoing within a dark, empty mall keeping me company. have i really had enough? or, had my Lord waited for me long enough already?
the absence of love in my life, people theorized, could be part cause. i however don't believe so. i don't fully agree there is an absence of love in my life. i am surrounded by it everyday. however, i do wonder what my life would be like, to share a deeper bond with a person. i think my soul longs for that stronger connection once again since, despite my denial, i think i have been living a very shallow and narrow-minded existence, finding validation in how people react to me from the outside.
my soul has been parched. my spirit, in critical condition. i had to wait for God to tell me i needed help before i could realize it myself. i think my God is telling me to wander no more.