february 2, 2010

i feel like a dry well/ not even a drop// worst of all/ i really want to get something off my chest/ and yet/ cannot find the words/ nor the right emotions to carry them out// i have been trying to write it down/ but cannot seem to get past the first sentence// my brain is a total mush//disorganized/ disorientated/ and stuck with a weird image of me/ dancing the waltz with the wind// there/ that's the image/ right/ there// it was a weird thought i had/ while i was staring blankly into the mirror/ sleep deprived/ and somewhat hungry// i recall feeling a bit odd at first/ then a tinge of glee/ followed by an undeniable sense of sadness// i really cannot understand/ what could be so saddening about dancing with the wind/ except maybe/ that like certain things in my life/ even if it were possible/ that instances like this/ just cannot be// funny/ even my subconscious knew how to catch my attention// i danced with a fictitious/ imaginary figure/ in an imaginary hall/ to the tune of some non-existent music// it was momentarily blissful i have to say/ then/ as instantly as it started/ the vision ended// i knew what my mind was telling me// i knew what my heart wanted to say/ but i felt more curious to know why of all metaphors/ i chose the wind// then i realized/ just now as i struggled for my second sentence/ that it was the wind that had carried my pain when i first hurt// it was the wind who bore his scent whenever we would meet// it was the wind and the night that i sighed to/when i could not talk to anyone// it was the wind who stayed with me/ patiently as i tried to forget// now that i know that the end is finally near/ now that i am also stronger/ i finally was bidding the wind adieu// he had served his purpose well/ he had been a great companion// he had been an excellent friend//