life and the run

this is not a post valentine's day post but... hehehehe, humahaba ang hair koh!

anyway...

barely a week left before the century run and i have not yet trained. my ankle is still giving me problems and to make matters, well, a bit more complicated, even the good ankle is starting to show signs of wear. the heel on both feet feel like they're completely deflated. i have resorted to wearing heel cushions even on normal days to relax them. my calves feel now like stone. sigh...

been reading this inspirational book by BART YASSO on running and how it changed his life. i brought the book with me to read on my commute to dagupan the other day and almost found myself tearing up with some of the things he wrote and discovered during his many runs. he said in marathoning, it's really not about the race, but it's the journey. he said so many people get obsessed with time and pace and pushing their limits, almost to the point of madness, that they often forget to acknowledge that in the end, what's really of value is how far you have reached, how far you have gone to get to this point. i related so much to that.

i think other than the physical benefits running has given me, more over, it offered me a lot of insight about life in general. often i would find myself talking with narnian and relate something about life to running. it's not really being over-dramatic, but i guess, when your mind is so focused on something, which is the case when you run, your mind becomes clear and things start to make sense. now, don't get me wrong. i'm no where NEAR of being an Olympic runner, heck, i had fernando zobel overtake me and had me eat his billion dollar dust during the last condura run, but the focus i think, is the same. i offer the same dedication, according to my measure, to the game.

* * * * *

the handover at work is almost complete. my uncle decided, now nearing his 50's, to transplant his entire household to canada, despite living a very comfortable life here. i can't really make a lot of sense to his rather risky move, but, his life, his decision. i have been working in the family business now for almost a year (i started march last year) and am slowly finding my groove. it has taken a while to slowly let go of a dream and embrace a new, more practical one, but it's happening. the other day, my aunt, who runs the business, told me while she was remarking on my uncle packing up and leaving, that now, since we were down 1 man, i can no longer resign. that was when things finally sunk in. i am now trying to make peace with my path.

upon my visit to my client in dagupan, he was showing me his house and talking to me about building a boutique hotel off the coast of pangasinan. he liked my work and was dreaming up of other things for the future. they all sounded very nice, but then, i always get things like this, nice, tempting projects, every time i reach a crossroad in my life. kuya once told me, life throws you distractions whenever you make a decision. they come to test your ground.

* * * * *

there is always that urge to stop running, most especially when you are already hurting all over and stopping is the most logical thing to do. as you get overtaken by more able-bodied men and women, clearly more fit and more suited in running than you, then the urge becomes even more powerful. why do you run? are you built to last this long? maybe you have ran enough? maybe this isn't for you? there is always an easier way. as you slow down to a jog, then to a trot, then to walking, you count to yourself 10 seconds. ten seconds for your brain to process, for your adrenaline to kick in, for your endorphins to start pumping, for you to realize, you have what it takes to finish. 10 seconds to remember you chose to run, and run to finish. not by a long shot to be the first or the best, but to finish, because you can and you worked hard so that you can. in the end, as you count your last second, you skip a step, slap your fatigued muscles and whisper to yourself, just a few kilometers more.... and you begin running again, the pain now a companion.