i had to close my eyes. i had to go to my quiet place, if even just for a millisecond, just to allow me a bit of peace, a slice of sanity. just a small portion is what i need, before i loose my mind, before i dive straight into the abyss of chaos that was going to be my day.
the pressure is beginning to mount, i can feel it on my skin. it tightens, just like when you are about to crash, just like when you realize collision is inevitable.
to keep your composure and to remain calm and steady is as fatiguing and emotionally draining as fighting for you life. it sucks you dry of all your happiness, it seems, and leaves you a lost and empty shell, just waiting for the arid winds to blow you away.
i sat in my tight corner, amidst the noise of people chattering, phones ringing, doors banging, cars honking, drowning in this sea that was going to be the source of my livelihood, and i closed my eyes, and took a deep, long breath, and tried to tell myself not to cry. numbness will come eventually...