stringing random thoughts

"you must be a very old soul" she candidly mentioned, our newest addition to our every growing circle of friends, as i babbled on and on about how i wanted to immerse myself in imperial architecture while walking the winter streets of beijing. "good observation. i swear, i can still remember back in the days when i still had my pet T-rex, fufu." i retorted, before falling into an unexpected introspective silence. an old soul... how true.


"one thing life and age has been teaching me, it's learning to be mellow." my tidbit of wisdom about life, love and living. learn to live life not controlled by extreme emotions but instead, manage them, like any mature adult should do.

"are you mad at me? just tell me." the last (hopefully) message i received from a guy i am consciously deciding once and for all to cut all ties with. managing the guilty feeling of ignoring his messages and calls since i really don't feel it's right to ignore people... even if in certain cases (hopefully, like this one) it is your best recourse. maybe because i myself know what it feels to be disregarded and that loneliness should never be punished. emotional vampirism on the other hand and feeding one's narcissism...

"when are you going to marry?" ah, the question of all questions. "when i can afford it." the answers of all answers. never mind that i'm not even in a relationship yet. ah, relatives, so impatient.


"be careful with innocence. recall how we were all once pure and genuine, that was, until life broke us all." a clear thought my spirit whispered on an early morning walk from gym.


"jamie? isn't that the name of a girl?" no, it's just that there are less chances of you massacring it compared to if i use my real name.


"J-A-M-I-E" how i would spell my name out loud every time i am asked. why then do i still get faxes and quotations with it spelled "JEMEY"? people need to learn how to listen, and listen well.


"haaaay." i have realized that listening can be a gift. not everyone who chooses to be a friend can be an effective one. i should probably learn to be a better friend to myself. it's only fair.


"i'm weaning". and winning at that as well. nothing has ever felt so bitter-sweet. the craving is dying and yet, i sometimes force myself still to have pangs for it since, it was during those times when i felt most alive, strangely even, most normal. brewed coffee grande, black, 4 packets of splenda, starbucks eastwood walk... you will always have a special place in my mind.


"yes, we all need a good brother." the last thing i said before my cousins and i burst out laughing. internal joke. writing about it for posterity.


"you're so unforgiving." my brother said as i exhaled loudly while driving home one night. true, but i chose not to compromise. stupidity should be outlawed.


"to be angry is to punish yourself for the mistake of others." said a bumper sticker of a car i once tail-gated. it saved his life from being deafened by my horn.


"we missed you." said my client as i gave her a peck on the cheek. "i love coming here. it makes me feel so relaxed. too bad you guys are light-years from quezon city." she just looked at me with her smile as i allowed myself to get lost in the interiors of my first project since coming back from dubai. this place always made me feel loved.