Tuesday, April 22, 2008

into the valley of the shadows...

yesterday was a grueling day. despite having planned for myself a short and simple itinerary, things obviously did not go they way i had expected.

i was supposed to source out fabrics, show them to my client for her approval before lunch, see the building administrator of her studio for renovation permits and get back home to arrange for procurement of materials. see, simple. that was until my day started out with a flat tire. not really the best of beginnings but i didn't really wanted it to get to me. i am proud to say i managed my anxieties and just "rode the wave", so to speak. thankfully, that got remedied pretty quick. i was still able to source out my fabrics and meet my client, as scheduled. after ticking that off my list of things to do, i headed off to see the building admin to get instructions for the renovation. that was when all hell broke loose.

since my work began, i was always under the notion that i need not deal with the city government. a great relief if you need to understand since dealing with ANY pubic institution in this country means you need to get your hands dirty and dabble in politics and most often than not, bribery. two of the things i detest the most in society. considering that my project is in makati made me feel more relieved since makati is NOTORIOUS for its mile long red tape and power play. my happiness unfortunately was short lived. turns out, i do need to deal with the city government. i do need to dive into and swim in their corrupt system and get jiggy with "wolves" and other venomous "reptiles".

since the building admin didn't really give us enough info regarding what we needed to do, our only resort was to go to city hall and ask for ourselves. the drive to the city hall was definitely something. i felt like i was walking the green mile, but in my AUV (no way am i walking in this heat!) the beautiful exteriors and grand interiors of the hall did nothing to ease my fears. being an empath, i could sense the thick sea of negativity in the air. it was so strong, i felt overwhelmed. all i could think of is "so this is what it feels like to be among dementors!". all the joy in me felt like it was sucked out of a zago straw, and all i was left with were only the gurgling sounds of my emptiness.

i was with richie, my contractor, and he could see the color drain from my face.

i needed to get out of there. i needed to, desperately. i tried to keep my cool and stay positive but it was too late. the negative energy lingered with until i got home a few hours later. i tried to shake it off by going to the gym and hope that the adrenaline of pumping iron can help. it did for a while, until i tried to go to sleep, then it all came back.

waking up this morning, things felt a bit better. i guess the energy wore off a bit and reality is now sinking in. the situation still stands and i don't think we really can avoid it. i'm glad though that i don't feel as grim anymore. all i can do now is stay objective and learn as much as i can. it also helps that i have good friends with me, joining the ride. things are bound to get pretty interesting these next few days.... the game begins.

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