a picker upper...

this clip was made by a group called "guerrilla marketing", of which the husband of a friend of mine from dubai is a part of... well, i think he is. the last time i saw this was in the bedroom of mac while i was still in dubai. it was during one of those weekends wherein i sleep over at his place, trying to escape the sadness of living alone. i can't remember if this was the same weekend wherein a bridge collapsed in the marina, crushing a couple of people working on it. in that depressing time, i was able to watch this short clip and it managed to uplift my spirits a bit. shot entirely in dubai, "go around twice if you're happy" made it more special since despite the stories and personal accounts of loneliness and despair, dubai apparently is still a place where ppl can be happy in. i hope it helps some of you guys out there as it helped me.

rewriting history

after months of being under siege by the invading hordes, bataan finally fell. but from my personal account, bataan fell in one day.

highs and lows, ups and downs and all that goes round

this past week has been rather interesting if i may say so myself. first there's work. my client has now entrusted the legalities of the project to us as she went on her vacation to the land of great chocolates and watches. legalities i mean, arranging the documents for the city hall approval, a vital step for us before we can actually nail in a nail apparently.

i have been spending the past couple of days fine tuning the architectural drawings for legal critique, ironing out details which i think would come under some scrutiny. owing to the fact that this is my first ever attempt to submit drawings, the experience obviously did little in calming my nerves. scenario after scenario run past my overly paranoid head until i could not take it anymore. i needed to get distracted. i therefore decided to go shopping, for my client that is. that check that she issued to my name finally cleared and i am now loaded to start purchasing the materials for the project. ah... nothing makes me feel better than spending other people's money. of course, my relief was short lived, but it did the trick. i came back refreshed, renewed and more optimistic. the drawings are now for approval by the expert, i.e., richie and i await for his comments.

on a totally different topic. i have decided to pursue improving my social skills as well as my "marketability", if u can say that. though i never really thought i would resort to such measures in trying to meet people, i finally decided to put down my high ideals for a while and see what my little experiment will lead to. i'll call this project, "operation: finding a date". i recently joined two social networking (dating) sites, both under different aliases, one with my real pic, while one with some avatar i got online. been tracking which of the two sites i joined get the most views from ppl, and as expected, ppl respond more to contacting real people rather than some nameless pic, cute and interesting that pic may seem. respect the fact that i will keep the sites anonymous as i dont think i'd like ppl screwing with my results :) most especially since a lot of the site's users are, lets just say, seeking for more than just someone to talk to.

truth be told, being "praning" that i am, this venture into online dating was definitely something that was WAY out of my comfort zone. i feel so vulnerable being surrounded by strangers with even stranger intentions. this however is also one reason why it's so interesting i guess. being a stranger myself to others, there really isn't any history for them to judge me. i have no plans of being someone that i am not, even online and this experiment of mine made me put my best foot forward at the first try. if ppl responded to that, then great. if not, then its ok. being rejected online is at least less hurtful than being rejected in person. i know there are more risks involved other than just a bruised ego. a certain amount of discretion is needed since nothing is real in the virtual world. nothing can replace good old fashion meet ups and personal contact. most especially for me since i need to read ppl first and get their vibes before anything else and i can only do it when we are in close proximity to each other. it's difficult to be an empath when the only signals u get thru the screen is the speed of one's internet connection.

so the experiment continues. i have had conversations with quite an interesting bunch of people so far. some naughty, some nice. some seek for companionship, some just out to have a good time. who will eventually fit my fancy, well, its only been a week so time will eventually tell.

unbelievable....

i first heard of this in the news but never really gave it too much attention since i was quite busy working on something else... that was until i read about it again over brian gorrell's blog. watch this video



i couldn't really believe it myself. appalling. simply appalling.

into the valley of the shadows...

yesterday was a grueling day. despite having planned for myself a short and simple itinerary, things obviously did not go they way i had expected.

i was supposed to source out fabrics, show them to my client for her approval before lunch, see the building administrator of her studio for renovation permits and get back home to arrange for procurement of materials. see, simple. that was until my day started out with a flat tire. not really the best of beginnings but i didn't really wanted it to get to me. i am proud to say i managed my anxieties and just "rode the wave", so to speak. thankfully, that got remedied pretty quick. i was still able to source out my fabrics and meet my client, as scheduled. after ticking that off my list of things to do, i headed off to see the building admin to get instructions for the renovation. that was when all hell broke loose.

since my work began, i was always under the notion that i need not deal with the city government. a great relief if you need to understand since dealing with ANY pubic institution in this country means you need to get your hands dirty and dabble in politics and most often than not, bribery. two of the things i detest the most in society. considering that my project is in makati made me feel more relieved since makati is NOTORIOUS for its mile long red tape and power play. my happiness unfortunately was short lived. turns out, i do need to deal with the city government. i do need to dive into and swim in their corrupt system and get jiggy with "wolves" and other venomous "reptiles".

since the building admin didn't really give us enough info regarding what we needed to do, our only resort was to go to city hall and ask for ourselves. the drive to the city hall was definitely something. i felt like i was walking the green mile, but in my AUV (no way am i walking in this heat!) the beautiful exteriors and grand interiors of the hall did nothing to ease my fears. being an empath, i could sense the thick sea of negativity in the air. it was so strong, i felt overwhelmed. all i could think of is "so this is what it feels like to be among dementors!". all the joy in me felt like it was sucked out of a zago straw, and all i was left with were only the gurgling sounds of my emptiness.

i was with richie, my contractor, and he could see the color drain from my face.

i needed to get out of there. i needed to, desperately. i tried to keep my cool and stay positive but it was too late. the negative energy lingered with until i got home a few hours later. i tried to shake it off by going to the gym and hope that the adrenaline of pumping iron can help. it did for a while, until i tried to go to sleep, then it all came back.

waking up this morning, things felt a bit better. i guess the energy wore off a bit and reality is now sinking in. the situation still stands and i don't think we really can avoid it. i'm glad though that i don't feel as grim anymore. all i can do now is stay objective and learn as much as i can. it also helps that i have good friends with me, joining the ride. things are bound to get pretty interesting these next few days.... the game begins.

monied!

i had a meeting with my client today to discuss the budget of the project i am designing for her. after weeks of trying to find cheaper alternatives to the ever increasing cost of my design, i finally succumbed to the fact that it will just be too expensive to build. i worriedly typed up the budget estimates and anxiously presented it to my client for her perusal.

now i have had experience with this before and despite working in uber lux dubai, i still have had my share of clients turning down the entire project because of budgetary issues. now that i think of it, i have had more turned-down projects than those that pushed through. so i can't really be blamed of feeling nervous during this meeting. i handed my quote to her, she reads it carefully. she asks me pertinent questions as to why the items costs so much and i dutifully answer her to the best of my knowledge. she then asks me what my plan is and i tell her that we should reserve the materials if she has no problems about them. she gives me an inquisitive look... then takes her check book out and and hands me an amount that almost made me slip off my seat.

she made me write her a note stating the received the amount from her. as my hands shook while writing, i jested to her that i'll also put down the number of my mom, just in case i suddenly disappear and someone need to contact her.

it was certainly a bad day to be commuting!!!!

corregidor revisited

i spent the bulk of my day yesterday in corrigidor with friends from church. a good friend of mine and her american hubby were in town for a visit and we decided to make things different by taking a historical tour of the war-torn island. a good alternative to the malls, definitely.

it's been a good 4 years since i last set foot at the island. though i never really expected things to have changed so much since then, i still wanted to make myself feel eager as if it was my first time to be in corrigidor. you can never learn enough, is what i say, of a place. much more if you always view it with virgin eyes.

despite the island's rich and rather gruesome history, one can also relish how the place is now a sanctuary for nature and learning. the forest is lush and is almost left to grow wild, harboring an arrays of birds and other animals. the old buildings, ruins and former military structures, monuments and memorials tell tales of glory, defeat, honor and courage. virtues of humanity that should never be forgotten. corrigidor resonates a charm that cannot be compared by any other place i have been. definitely unique and a place to consider when you just want to get away.

a solid steel door battered by shrapnel from the war.

one of many canons in the island. pay close attention to the three aussie hunks at the right side of the picture.... what a terrible time to be with church friends.... i suddenly had an urge to get a souvenir!

the mile long barracks, corregidor's iconic ruin. not really a mile long but impressive nonetheless. my "alagas" in the foreground. i was the lone thorn among roses...

the pacific war memorial. a slab or solid carrara marble to commemorate the surrender of corrigidor to the japs. the beam is said to focus directly on top of the altar every may 9 at high noon, the day of corrigidor's fall.

i dunno what this place is called but i call it the corridor of courage :) it lead to that metal sculpture at the far end which symbolizes the fire of freedom. along the walls are documented the rise and fall of the resistance to the axis powers during the wall.

the beautiful sculpture at the pacific war memorial. it was unfortunate that i had to witness the disrespect and utter stupidity of a pinoy tourist who obviously had no BREEDING! one of the guys in this picture CLIMBED the sculpture like he was in a kiddie playground. a grown man!!!!! climb this historic piece commemorating the dead like it meant nothing that he was insulting the ghosts of the past!!! multuhin sana sya!!!!

the map of the malinta tunnel. formerly housing the president of the philippines during the times of WW2. now it houses a lights and sound show depicting the last few days of the island before it eventually fell in the hands of the japs.


the interiors of the malinta tunnel. the shadow on the left is of pablito martinez.... he's still alive if you guys need to know. very much alive.

the south entrance of the tunnel where american tanks tried to charge in as they cornered the last remaining japs on the recapturing of the island. the japs eventually blew themselves up, sending a fire ball out the tunnel, hoping to get american casualties. approx. 3000 japanese soldiers and their families perished inside.

i saw this inside one of the batteries in the island. it had my cousin's name etched on the wall. probably by some vandal. la lang. it just reminded me of him.

the reveal

i have become a witness, and now i am no longer alone.

i can now only hope for more peace, more understanding for the days ahead. it will be an uphill journey but the effort won't seem as overwhelming because now i have company.

now i understand how it feels to be respected, more so trusted. i feel validated, grateful and humbled. being in the sidelines all this time, i never really felt that it was necessary for me to be part of the main event, but now i am. invited in and accepted, i can only feel joy because of it.

thank you for giving me the honor to bear your cause. it will be a pleasure to hold it amongst the treasures in my heart... not that it was never there from the beginning.

my weird breakfast

unlike some people, i am not really a breakfast type of guy. morning grub often take the form of pills or when i am feeling more gluttonous, a cup of milk. though the usual dictum for meals is "eat like a king in the morning, a queen at noon, and a pauper in the evening", it's usually the other way around for me. late night burst of energy to work, coupled with insomnia made me a nocturnal grazer, having an erratic morning schedule of course did not do well for me either. being busy freelancing means you have time for anything and no time for everything, meals included. i'm still managing a rather healthy meal schedule since work has not yet been that hectic, though i can see that it will soon be very different a few weeks from now.

i woke up today rather early than what i was used to. i got a call from a supplier and that pretty much ruined whatever drowsiness i still had left within me. i looked at my clock and it was 7:30am. deciding that since i was awake already, might as well check on my guilty pleasure.

as i have said, i have been a team brian member from the start. recently, mr. gorell has been a guest on 89.9Fm radio on mo twister's morning show. though not really a radio listener, much more an early show fan, i did however consider trying to wake up early just to hear brian talk and discuss his issues first hand. unfortunately, insomnia and work keeps me up late at night and i seriously love my sleep more. last night, after checking brian's blog, i learned that he was going to be on again this morning, and also was kitty go! the idea was definitely a pleasant one, brain and kitty, bitching about bitchy high society! it was almost too good to resist, but i did. i had no intention of waking up that early... but, i did. unceremoniously.

7:30, he must be on by now, i thought. turned on the radio and listened in the darkness (my room stays dark the whole day... wonderful during hot summer days). i learned that brian is realizing how unlikely he is going to see his money, that he is using all this negative energy to make something positive of it, that he is humbled by the many donations he has gotten, that google will no longer terminate his blog. i also learned that i don't like mo twister so much. that though he may be a good radio show host, his opinions and, frankly, his attitude, is too much for me to take so early in the morning. so i guess that will be that for me. funny, he was asking listeners which celebrity they no longer liked because of a scandal. hmm, well, didn't someone disappear to the US after he allegedly knocked up a girl!?

stretching!

good grief! it's been a while since i last wrote and quite honestly, i think i'm starting to regret it. so much has happened and i distinctly remember saying to myself, "gee, that was nice, i should write about that!" but alas, my laziness has gotten the better of me and that memory is long gone. it sucks to have the short term memory of a potato. information goes in, bumps around my neurons and easily slips out of whatever orifice of my head it can find! swoosh! gone!

been keeping myself abreast still of the whole brian gorell VS. the gucci gang and despite how things are starting to slow down, i am still a fan. most especially now that brian is posting more and more pics of himself. man, he is cute. even my straight friend commented on his photogenic qualities. i however am not quite fond of his voice, its rather nasal and not really something that would make you want to say "ooh, talk to me more" :) for the moment, i am happy with the voice i have designated to him. a nice cross between the confidence in george clooney's tone and the velvety texture of some british dude i have yet to hear. anyhow, the mix is patented and is fully MINE!!! ahahaha! with regards to brian's cause. not wanting to sound very showbiz but, more power to the dude. may he continue to wreck havoc to the vain glory of manila's so called elite and have future wannabes reconsider what it means to be members of high-society. no one is above anyone, at the end of the day, we are all worm food. you may have grown up eating caviar and foie gras or left overs from a week back, but when you have been sent to the trash heap, worms could care less... that is , unless your part of the GG. i don't think worms can stoop that low! ahahahahaha.

i never really realized how all this BG vs. DJ have united almost everyone in the country! it's definitely a phenomenon of which i am sure, if i was more of an intellectual, would realize the social significance of all this. but since i am a mere smart ass, i can only relish in the fact that i was part of the wonderful few early birds who got to read this blog while it was still hot and juicy! honestly, i am surprised how some people still have not heard of this blog. more so, how some people would want to read it just to "belong". you know us pinoys, we herd like sheep and the worst thing that could happen to us is if we are fall out of the loop. i guess that is why rumors spread in our country like wildfire in a rainstorm of gasoline! case in point... the guys in my gym.

i was working out the other day. contrary to popular belief, gyms are not necessarily gay church. well, maybe if you go to fitness first or gold's, but where i go to, you get testosterone in it's purest, most unadulterated form, and i'm not necessarily talking about roid shooters. now, owing to this fact, it's not uncommon to hear incessant swearing by macho men trying to coax each other to lift more, push more, pull more, till every vein in their bodies pop out like the road map of DUBAI!!! also, minor indiscretions like adultery are handled like trade secrets handed down from master to disciple. of course, being an indistinct rose in a sea of near sighted anthuriums, i had to continue to keep a low profile. god forbid i get discovered that i use moisturizer to keep my skin soft and supple! i laugh at bad jokes, nod like i understood basketball jargon, snicker at someones achievement of duping a girl to sleep with him, and admiring rubber shoes like it was from the latest season of prada! it takes a bit of effort but i manage. now, having no topic of interest with these people other than their occasional inquiries on medicine and exercise (i have been outed to be a physical therapist by my trainer, who himself is a physical therapist), i was quite surprised when asked one day of i have heard of the notorious blog. needless to say, i was caught off guard, being in mid-rep of my bicep curls. without batting an eyelash, i dropped the 30lbs. weight and proceeded to give my opinions on the blog and the key players to watch out for. being the helpful soul that i was, i gave my in depth guide of which posts to read for those who are beginners to the subject, and to those who are more interested, a commentary of the plights of gay caucasian men who get tricked by their asian lovers.

at that moment, the weights floor went abuzz!!!!!! who would have thought that straight men could cackle like hens!!!! and, it was MY TYPE OF CACKLE!!!!! i loved it! :) at last, my type of language! now you hear people throwing words like "gucci" and "70,000!". of course, as the conversation went on, it became apparent that they were not as well informed as i had hoped. but i cannot complain, my boys tried.... by golly they tried and i was a proud mama!!! not long after, they revert back to which girls butt is yummier and i quickly regressed back to my default smile and grinning eyes.

the days went by rather fast this week. i tried busying myself by starting to source materials for my new project. HOLY CRAP! i never realized how expensive things are already. honestly. i latter realized that its a sellers market right now with the stronger economy. the construction boom created great demand, supply went down, prices went up. for a cheap skate like myself, seeing all of those digits in my estimates was like slitting my wrist with a rusty spoon. just torturous!!!!

on the lighter side of things, i had the wonderful chance to spend some good time with friends this week. it's good to talk to people, especially those who know you well as a person. no problems, no need of venting, just casual conversation. makes me remember of the good old days when we were still in school.

was at MC home depot yesterday and i found myself gripped by nostalgia. it was two years ago that i was there, standing by the main entrance talking to vikki, contemplating about dubai. such a long time ago yet the memory was vivid. it was sad by richie who was with me, made me shake it off. coincidentally, my phone rang and it was another friend asking me how it was working in dubai. talk about weird!!!

anyway, let me cap off these random bursts of thought by this pic. i was in my regular mall when i saw this sight. i had to take a picture of it as i found it utterly adorable! its a booth that sells phonecards!!!!!! i swear, it put a smile in my face that lasted me for a good hour! :) hope it gives you all one too! peace!