Wednesday, January 13, 2010

dissecting my smile

kuya said once, i was never good at hiding my emotions. true enough, despite how i fool myself that i have the acting talents worthy of fooling the CIA, even my dog knows when i'm having one of my rather dreary days. i guess i really am that transparent.

i was browsing through pictures taken of the new year's party i just went to and like any normal person would do, i went to look first at the photos that contained me (to post in facebook, of course). as i perused through the few hundred snaps taken by friends and tried to remember all the faces and the names that came with them, i could not help but notice how i looked in the pics. what started out to be a narcissistic endeavor to get the best shots of my not-so-beautiful person to post on facebook (with delusional hope that by doing so it would increase traffic to my page), slowly turned into an introspective observation of my behavior that night. as i looked at each picture of myself, i tried to recall what i was feeling, what i was thinking at that very moment. true enough, my immediate thoughts translated to how my face looked when the picture was taken.

smiles tell a lot more than just a pretty pose for a pretty shot, i found. that night, i learned that besides being happy, i was also being:

1. flirtatious. i didn't know i was doing it until much later when i noticed a few doing the same. i really could care less if my smiling translated as such though. the idea that i was willingly doing it was fun enough.

2. friendly. nevermind the wrinkles, nothing beats returning a smile with a smile. i smiled a lot that night, so much so, i think my cheeks needed a vacation by the time i got home. i think i got to meet more new people that night just because i had a smile on (almost) the entire night. hello new people!!! facebook?? hehehehe.

3. hopeful. blaming the idealist in me, i wished that friends would let by-gones be by-gones (like mgg's desire for world peace). i think i got my wish. blaming the romantic in me, i wished would find someone whom i could strike up a good conversation with. that wish was harder to grant i think... or maybe i was just dense and was already having a conversation? LOL!

4. doubtful. you can never snuff out the cynic in me. even then, i still smile. half-hearted but still positive.

5. guarded. even at times of awkwardness and discomfort, as long as i am in public, i will still be able to smile. i think, that would be my default non-responsive response whenever i find myself in a pickle.

6. supportive. i smile to nudge. i smile to applaud.

7. loving. i smile to nurture too.

8. amorous.

i had a full heart by the end of that night. even if i left early, i didn't mind. i was already full to the brim and basing on all the pearly whites i was already flashing, i really could not ask for more.


Andrei Alba said...

it's good to know that you enjoyed.

keep in touch.

and always do smile. sadness is something that i hate now.

we should hate sadness.

(i envy you for having this pictures and all)

i'm a narnian said...

i got to thinking, how come i don't have a lot of photos with you? oh yeah. you left early.

now, it's clearer. i would've enjoyed the party more, had you stayed a little while longer.

see you soon dear.

red the mod said...

Nice to know you had a blast. Seems like the pictures are a keeper too. Who knows, maybe one of those you smiled at is just waiting for another opportunity to make you smile again. Cheers to a great year ahead!

citybuoy said...

sometimes a smile is never just a smile.