the day after

fasting again today. i miss the clarity food deprivation offers me. how i wish i could do it longer, maybe even seclude myself from the hustle and bustle of modern life and just be peaceful for a while. i however have to overcome first the hurdle of fearing the amount of work i'll be missing if i do just that, plus contending with family worrying over me that i have completely gone insane.

started my fast last night, having my last meal at about 4pm. felt short changed with Jollibee's extra large fries since from the looks of it, the amount i got did not warrant the additional P12 i pay for for an upgrade. been craving for sweets and decided to try out their new sundae selections. yesterday was pretty much a bad day for me and i thought the extra sugar in my system wouldn't hurt. ordered the black forest sundae with my pathetic serving of fries, and a jolly hotdog. the sundae was ridiculously runny. i complained about it but basing on the idiotic smile of the cashier, i doubt she has any clue why i was complaining. kuya once told me not to bother talking to people who are powerless to create change, or are too STUPID to recognize error. i adhere to that, thus lessening my public outbursts. problem there is, most of the people i encounter ARE people of that very nature. frustrated and beginning to have mental imagery of severe violence, i decided to just leave... resolving a fact that JOLLIBEE IS A FUCKING CHEAT.

having my last meal offered me some distraction. been thinking and re-thinking what i have been doing to myself and to others lately. after almost a full day of introspection, i found myself exactly where i was in the beginning. i was able to reconcile parts of what it was that was troubling me, yet a greater part of the whole still felt unresolved, and it's eating me up that after all this time, i still can't figure things out.

i just realized, kuya reads my blog. i'm bound to get an ear-full when he learns of what i've done (again). good thing he's been really busy with work so i don't think he'd waste time knowing about me since he practically sees me every single day.

running buddy, narnian just registered for the athens marathon... wow. part of me feels envious since i can only imagine what kind of an experience that would be. part of me, however, feels quite disinterested with the idea. honestly now, i don't think i can get myself excited about anything.

trips in the works for this year. guam, thailand, singapore, canada, japan, france, italy. just toying with the idea. let's see how things work out, if even i get time off work.

i'm hungry now, but that's normal. starting to get that headache, the first signs that toxins are now flooding my bloodstream.

been having a recurring playback in my head recently. it was of last thursday evening while i was at red mango with my broux. i saw 3 new characters and somehow, their identities stuck to me. strange. i can't seem to shake them off.

been getting a lot of encouraging and comforting words lately from friends and acquaintances. thank you. i really appreciate it. reaping what i sow. this is somehow how i feel.

i also feel really empty. as if my life is full of vanity.