Friday, March 26, 2010

the day after yesterday

i prayed myself to sleep last night. i haven't had one of those in quite a while now. though it often occurs as me dozing off while in the middle of prayer, i think last night, it was more like i lost consciousness midway after trying to unload a mountain off my chest.

i came home to a quiet house last night. it was still rather noisy as my dad had the TV volume way up in the dining hall as he watched his evening drama show. my mom was fussing over something in the kitchen. despite how far from quiet this scenario was, the air about felt uncomfortable still... or it really could have just been me. mom invited me to dinner, and despite my fast, i willingly obliged. i dropped my bags on the empty chair beside me, turned over my plate and started helping myself to the left-over dumplings she bought for kuya that morning.

dad then asked me what time i leave work. what came after that, his pep talk, put the cherry on what was already quite a depleting day.

i jested to the people who asked how i was, when it rains, it pours, for it certainly does for me.

i felt so troubled by all of it that i found myself ringing up my mom from work this morning, telling her about how bothered i felt with what dad said last night. she really couldn't help me on it though. i don't think anyone could.

31 and heading nowhere. they could have just told me in my face that i was a failure.

6 comments:

victor gregor said...

Jamie, I hope you feel better soon. For some strange reason, "parents" are quite the common topic these days among bloggers. Hmmm.

If it is any consolation to you, your folks are kind. My parents tell me quite regularly how much I have failed them. Subtlety, I'm afraid, is not one of their strengths. LOL.

jamie da vinci! said...

@victor. thank you very much. i take their words in much wisdom. i think i just need to wait for the bitter pill to finally settle down. i think u and i take the same medicine, only that your's is devoid of the candy coating. i will pray for strength for the both of us.

M.T. said...

That's a difficult situation to begin with. Were both turning 31 soon. Ü But what is really missing? I fear disappointments myself. But try to get over that feeling soon.
I read from a book: Unhappiness is a contagion. You carry the smell of it as you carry the detected stink of a dreaded illness. I wish you happiness Jamie. A lot of us do. I do.

i'm a narnian said...

isang bonggang bonggang hearthugs. >:D<

at the end of the day, ask yourself this question and only this question:

did you make yourself happy today?

----
what do you really want to do, jamie? if you need to talk, i can listen. if you need guidance and counseling, i can offer my services (40k worth, but for you, free of charge).

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ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

how sad. :c if it makes u feel better, i don't think you're a failure. you're a great writer, one that i look forward to reading everytime u post. at least that's something.

>:D< here's another hug. :D