Wednesday, February 22, 2012
An emotional week
I really think my hormones are shot! Either that or im an undiagnosed bipolar or something ( a bipolar polar bear... Who would have thunk?) but seriously, i really think there's something wrong with me this week, since i have been feeling rather emotional lately, more than the usual level of drama i have accustomed myself to be as normal. PMSing aside, my week hasnt been anything more than the usual. Same amount of work. Same amount of frustration. Same amount of stress. I really should be used to it by now, and for a greater part, i think i am. I can say i have already consoled myself with the fact that this is my job, i chose it and im really performing to the best that i can. If things still go wrong, then its beyond my control already and it should not always be my fault (since i have this bad habit of thinking that its always my fault) i do my job. I do the best as what im good at and try hard on the things that im not. That should be enough.... Any more and i wouldnt be fair to myself anymore. Wow... Talk about talking off topic. Nag-blog title pa ako, di ko naman sinunod. So, being emotional his week... I cried at church, without even thinking i would. I choked up while talking about something that would normally not affect me. Had a client meeting that afternoon, found my mood rather chipper, only to fall to a negative after the meeting ended. Food didnt even help to lift up my spirits. The fatigue of the following days was helpful since it distrcated me from feeling anything. My body just wanted to sleep, and then today happened. Wow. Some news at work that was, and now i find myself confronting the crossroads of either ignoring what im feeling and just work, or empower the bitch in me and, well, be a nasty prick. Patting myself on the back tho since its not often i find myself in such crossroads. My default mechanism usually means i morph into the bitch instantly, but now im aware of a choice. Its quite wonderful really, having a choice. Its empowering also that im not a puppet of my emotions anymore, well, not as much as i was used to.