dawning

it was all for the best i think, seeing you once more, and for some brief moments, have you close beside me. i got to smell your hair again, touch you skin, feel your body heat against mine. i lingered there for a little while, trying my best to relive the days when i had you for myself, though shared, but still mine. it was a comforting feeling for a while, but reality had its firm grasp on me already. time had had its way with me and it could no longer allow me to slip back far into the past. it anchored me to my present, a rather somber, lonely, and awkward reality.

there was a detachment there. nothing felt familiar, despite being surrounded by old faces and voices. i tried hard to mingle but things no longer fitted the same. everything had changed. i had changed. and so when you left and i was left by myself again, i did not long anymore. and though part of me felt frustrated not to have been able to spend as much time with you, in the end, it didn't really matter anymore. my present had already disassociated with my past, and i have no need of holding on anymore. i bade you farewell, my only honest gesture to you that evening. i know the words now.

i had been in the gray for so long, it should be time to step back into the light.