the greater gift

it was a lovely peace, a holy silence, though lost in a deluge of strong water, i was lifted up with the gladness of my heart. my lips trembled in silence, words daring not to utter, but a smile, a lone smile was enough to declare my fate. i have been found, and i did also find! i celebrated my Lord's greatness and His multifarious wisdom for how could it not be so, and how could my joy be contained? surrendering never felt so timely, presenting my gift and receiving the greater gift, the revelation of my soul's delight.

i have been astonished.

reasons

i was waiting for it, water washing down from my nape, watching it create streams flowing down, following the contours of my body, cascading down towards the cold tiled floor. i followed my breathing, feeling the rise and fall of my shivering chest, listening as i sucked in volumes, only to relinquish them after a few moments hold. the thrashing sound of the water was deafening against the silence in my head. i was waiting for it, bracing myself for it, for that overwhelming emotion to engulf me again like it would always do, drowning me again in a disorientating whirlpool of fear and doubt and regret.. but there came none. there was none. there was only i, the water, the quiet calm, the sweet stream against my nape, and a growing gladness in my heart that came from a boy who was turning towards his God to praise Him.

i realized that God is truly a God of purpose. i know He was, but today, i realized He is, and i cannot help it but be thankful that i could appreciate all that He has done. words could not express. blogging about it cannot do it justice. my Lord is a patient farmer and i can only be blessed to be under His care.

icarus

icarus 10/23/10

i was always amazed how classical painters were so detail-oriented as to capture even their subject's inhalation, how the belly would collapse and the muscles slacken as the ribs expanded and flared, gearing for that final plea for help. i have still a long way to go, more so learn to commit to just one solid line, but i guess, line on top of line, considering how many people view my work, i will leave it up to you to decide which variation of my subject's silhouette you will deem to be most appropriate.

this icarus is for you who planted the seed in my brain.

fallen

fallen 10/21/10

salome

salome. 10/10

skipping breakfast

i kinda skipped my morning quiet time today since i woke up a bit late. i felt a bit guilty that i once again pushed spiritual food aside in exchange for more worldly duties like work. God must be shaking his head at me again. ironic that this mornings message talked about how troubles come when we lack spiritual enjoyment, and here i was shoving it aside since i was running late, not even the least mindful of what my actions would cause me later on.

that little bit that i got this morning stayed with me though, during my drive to work. i was wondering how the troubles and problems in my life could have been caused by my lack of spiritual enjoyment. i then thought that, maybe, the problems had always been then, it was just that since my spiritual enjoyment got stunted, they seem to be more overwhelming. i think this is true, how these trials i go through seem to be trivial, despite their gravity, when i am enjoying my time with God. though God may not take them away (which happens), it doesn't matter since i am empowered to overcome.

i have to wake up earlier then, tomorrow. 730am wont do anymore :)

ugly texts

i find i funny sometimes when i feel sad that i have nothing to blog. i never really was the type who likes to document every single thing that happens to my life, despite the many attempts before to start a journal. i didnt really understand, now that i think about it, why i even entertained the thought before. maybe because everyone seemed to have one back then, maybe i felt the value to being able to have proof that i lived, i thought and that i had opinions. i do, however, know that one of the reasons why i never followed through with keeping journals was because i hated how my penmanship looked. i hated how my cursive looked, more so my prints. they look so uneven and, well, poorly written. despite my mother admonishing me to keep practicing, which i did, and despite the VOLUMES of pages that i had already written, especially when i went to med school and had to transcribe lecture after lecture, my penmanship never improved. which now leads me to think, maybe why i continued on blogging is because i type instead of write. though im not really that thrilled with the limited amounts of fonts available with the templates, it sure beats seeing the chicken-scratching text that would be if i were to write my posts using a pen.