9.9.2011

it is with this glimmer that i lay my little faith, this sliver of light in what has been many years of walking in fog and thick mist, unable to see, feel and touch the world around me, only hear the many voices and noises that surround me, following their direction, hoping that the ones i do heed are leading me the right way. i have walked in fear and in uncertainty all my life, even if i tried my best to hide it, even if i tried to show that i knew what i was doing, even if in truth, i was not... but you knew this, indeed, you knew this all along. nothing is hidden from you and my heart, my arrogant mind, and my falsely capable self was exposed. i was stripped of my strength and you allowed this to happen, only because you purposed it that it should be so, because it had to be. i fought you. i struggled against you but you were stronger. you were also steadfast and strict. you remained with me all this time, unwavering, unchanging, unrelenting, ever patient, ever sure, waiting until i had nothing more to offer and throw, waiting till i could surrender and see myself for what i am, what i have become... nothing. i was nothing. in my intelligence, this i could admit. i amounted to nothing. all that i am was nothing. all that i have been doing, that meant nothing as well. until i could realize this in my head and in my heart, you did not leave me, and now that i have seen this much of this universal truth did you open a way, this glimmer of hope, this light to my path, to lead me to something. you led me to see you for what you really are, not as my oppressor, but as my savior, for you have saved me from my just fate; my redeemer, for you had purchased me with the highest price, your own life; my emancipator, for in your death, you have unshackled me from all those that have bound me; my lord, for i am no longer of my own.

my praises are but a humble sacrifice to you. thank you. thank you. thirty-two years, you have been faithful. thank you for never leaving my side.

i love you, lord.