the plot thickens....

love is one tricky business that one can only really get a grips of by just diving in. no rule books to guide you with, no tried and tested theories. all one needs is just gut instinct and a fortified belly to brave the fates and the elements as you allow yourself to be the subject of the ebbs and flows of this ever shifting cosmic brew.

in just a span of a few days, i have been battered, beaten and built up again. i have professed my intentions and have been accepted, denied, ignored, played upon, falsely accused of and betrayed. talk about a roller coaster ride. needless to say, i am still alive and well and optimistic that the one who is for me is still waiting somewhere out there. hopefully not as bruised as i and still hanging in there for me to finally show my face.

i find it so amusing how gay ppl handle relationships. it seems like everything is on fast forward and no one wants to slow down. your first meet ups almost feel like its the date that will make or break the deal. being surrounded by my straight friends i guess made me appreciate the importance, as well as the joy of the pursuit. call me old fashioned but courtship for me is as significant as the the actual relationship itself. if animals themselves do it, and with strict attention to routine, then i don't see any reason why humans shouldn't. wooing plays a vital role i believe as it exposes one of their true desires, much more, what they can offer to the plate. gay or straight, i don't believe the dynamics of the hunt are any different. men or women, all long to value someone and to be valued by someone in return. the more time and effort you invest, the more you will gain.

so the game continues and i set my eyes into the horizon and the rising sun. the trek will be arduous i'm sure, but deep down in me, i know in the end, all will be worth it.

then God created eve...

the hug i gave you this morning said it all. the hug you returned told me all as well.
thank you for being my mom.

i know your fears. i understand your worries.
thank you for caring beyond what is your person.
for your selflessness, your unlimited compassion.
for letting me be who i think i should be, even if i know you do not fully understand.

i am who i am, because i am your son.
i try to be upright, God-fearing, compassionate,
wise, kind, funny, caring, loving, honest, because that is who you are.
i live life to make you proud, to validate all that you have done to make me a good son.

you are the joy of my existence.
your love is my blood, your words are my inspiration.
your wishes my food, your prayers my air.
God is good to have given you to me.
God is great to have made you my mom.

isa pa!!!

i got sooooo happy uploading my fave song "breath" and finding so many versions of it that i decided to upload another!

i first heard of this song from one of my brother's CD's. i got hooked to it by its beat and mix of vocals. since its a bad habit of mine to not really research as to who the artists are, i never really got to know who sang the song or even what the song was called. that was, until i went to dubai. my flatmates wake up to watching GAY.TV, an italian gay network that shows music video in the morning. note, none of them are gay, it was just that GAY.TV had a better selection than MTV Middle East or MTV Europe.... it's GAY.TV! should we really be that surprised? anyway, was watching it one morning when this video came up. immediately i recognized the song and was dumbfounded by how awesome and even better the original tract was (my brother's CD has the remix version).

"What else is there" by royskopp. the video is one creepy piece of shit but nonetheless enchanting. i LOVE IT!!!!!

breath...

I brought you something close to me,
Left for something you to see though your head.
You haunt my dreams
There's nothing to do but believe,
Just Believe.
Just Breathe.

Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe
Another day, just believe,
Another day. Just breathe.

I'm used to it by now.
Another day, just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe.
Lying in my bed,
Another day, staring at the ceiling.

Just breathe. Another day.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
I'm used to it by now.
I'm used to it by now.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just believe. Just breathe.
Just believe.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe,
Another day (I do believe).
Another day(so hard to breathe)
Another day(not so hard to believe)
Another day. Another day. 

go speed racer, go speed racer, GO!

went to see the newest wachowski brothers creation speed racer today with a friend. can't really say i have been looking forward to seeing this movie when i first saw the trailer. it looked like it was dominated by CG, the characters looked corny, the lines cornier and well, quite boring actually. considering that this is another wachowski film didn't add points for me either. i remember thinking, what the hell got into them to take such a project. i mean THIS is what u guys do after doing the matrix and v for vendetta? needless to say, i was greatly disappointed.

i was on a date (? again) and part of the agenda was to watch a movie. since the friend i was with had already seen iron man, the movie i was waiting for to see, we had to choose one that neither of us have seen before. my last movie was "forbidden kingdom" so i had more choices to pick, him on the other hand, well, just "speed racer". i obviously wasn't excited but being the martyr that i am, went to watch it anyway.... i am so glad i did!

the movie was great!!! i swear i will never doubt the genius of the brothers wachowski ever again!!!! true i won't lie, the story is pretty basic and straightforward, but man, the graphics was phenomenal!!! the intensity was constant and the visuals was just captivating! the entire movie felt like a ride! like ur trapped in this cyber pinball machine and you're the ball. of course being the manga obsessed dudes the brothers are, they were faithful to the original japanese version of speed racer. the car, the characters (i enjoyed how they characterized spritle and chimchim, they were equally annoying in both the animation and the film.... as i said, very faithful), even the pose speed racer is famous for after he dismounts his car. set design and animation was also superb. parts of the film felt like u were reading japanese manga back in the 70's, when speed racer i think came out. the mix of retro with uber hi-tech was excellently done, something i actually enjoyed the most. so much so, i think i totally ignored my date during the movie (well, his fault!).

capping it all up, the brothers definitely did it again. the movie is action packed for the guys and has enough story and character evolution in it to satisfy the girls (add to that the serious man candy in the form of rex racer and mattew wolf... woof!). manga aficionados would appreciate the movie's homage to the original and those who have no memory of speed racer, well, they would be happy to know that us oldies had such cartoons that was definitely cool!.

the game....

in sequel to my previous post, allow me to give an update on what has been happening since i officially dove into the dating game. first and foremost, i never really realized i was already dating until one of the guys i met told me that we were. as far as i was concerned, i was just meeting them to give a face to the name. casual chit chat, hi's and hello's over coffee or a meal and that was it. guess i knew wrong. funny. i guess it was a good thing that i didn't really considered them as dates. for sure if i did, i would have been a bundle of nerves, knowing how good i am blowing things out of proportion! :)

so since the time i started contacting these ppl, i have gone out on 4 "dates" with 2 different ppl. one about my age, the other someone who turned out to be only 19 (my explanation on that later). there are still a few ppl whom i would like to meet but its either the circumstances would not allow us to see each other or there is a conscious effort to actually prevent such meet-ups from happening, either from one or both parties involved i might add.

the first guy i met was ok. nice, clean, intelligent and quite conversant. a flight attendant so he was not lacking on the looks department. not really drop dead gorgeous but definitely above average. personality wise, he seemed sweet and caring, though from experience in meeting so many ppl in my line of work, i can tell there is a level of immaturity in him that still needs to be worked on. not really holding it against him since he is younger than me by a few years and has yet to explore the world and learn from it ( ah, youth). despite having past relationships, i can safely say hes not really the commitment type, for now at least. he's fun to be with and a possible great companion for gimmicks but don't think he's the guy who would want to get tied down with only 1 particular person for long. a wandering jew who also happens to like going shopping :) my kind of friend indeed, hehehehe.

bachelor number 2 is a boy. GOD! though he never really hid from me how much younger he is compared to me, i distinctly remember that he said he was 21. not that i'm into children mind u. i am a person who likes to get mentally stimulated by good conversation, and on chat, this kid can talk! so it was rather fun to catch him online since theres no dull moment with him. there was also an energy to him that i guess i fed on, him being the boy with unlimited stamina, and me being the old cow left out to pasture. it was rather exhilarating to try to match up to his energy, something that i am proud to say i have done over and over again. but then i always knew i could out-chat anyone. his online character was definitely fun, in person though, well.... he's totally different.

we met at tomas morato. well, i picked him up near his house since our rendezvous was quite clandestine. hiding from the mom was his reason. me naman felt even more awkward, like a pedophile!!! note to all, HE WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED TO MEET ME. i just gave in cause he was very persistent. in person he's not as chatty, though i could tell he tried his best to make conversation. unfortunately he was just too young to know enough things to talk about i guess, more so about the topics that catch my fancy like the arts and philosophy. we had lunch (my treat) and got to know each other better. tried to pick topics i know he can be more open about like the travails of having a "fairy" as an identity. by the end of our meal, he was warmer and got, well, more amorous. i tried to keep distance from him by sitting a good 2 feet away, something he noticed :) i apologized and said i have trust issues. well, dunno how he did it but by the end, i found him holding my hand already. (man, this guy's is suave... corny, but good). i can deduce that he definitely is a romantic, like all boys at his age are. but i don't think it will work between us. in the end, the age gap is just too much and i really don't want to weigh him down with all the hang ups of a soon-to-be-30 soul. i think i can be a kuya. not that i have experience to impart but more for support. i just hope he can figure it out and not think that i'm being pakipot!!!

prada wishes... and vuitton dreams!!!!

i just got back from what would have been the most exhilarating, exhausting and practically bankrupting trip of my life! a 5 day 4 night vacation en-grande from asia's shopping mecca, hong kong.

the trip was supposed to be a simple get away from the monotony of manila. a brief breather just to refresh and recharge my batteries and also spend some QT with my brother. what should have been a peaceful escape turned into a hedonistic blood bath of shopping, eating and more shopping. so much so that i found my feet blistered and sore from 5 straight days of walking from sun up till sun down.

i never would have expected i could walk or even shop at such an intensity. i guess thats what HK does to you. it gives you this fever to spend as you get all caught up in the frenzy of people FIGHTING to get into stores in order to get first dibs at the latest products. case in point, the luxe good stores scattered all over in HK. gigantic flagship stores almost in every block. i have never seen so much in such a small area before in my life, more so the worship of such hi end brands. i had to point it out that despite working in dubai where money flows like oil, the arabs feel more tamed in their spending when compared to the almost ravenous attitude hongkies have with their shopping. i mean, never in my life have i seen people actually queue outside an LV store in my life, but here, ppl actually do, and it was a really long queue!

if i had a dollar for every person i saw carrying a labeled item, i would have enough to buy myself my very own. walking along HK's streets felt like watching a fashion show in NY or paris. clothes and shoes and bags and accessories and pants, enough to send any serious fashionista into anaphylactic shock! HK is also becoming a mecca for anything that deals with design. from its cutting edge uber hi-tech airport to the boutique hotels and local home stores that line up along its once peddler filled streets, HK design is fastly setting its mark in the world! i especially enjoyed how they do commercial interiors and their ingenious use of limited space. corners and dead areas are never wasted and function seems to be infused at every available piece of real estate. we naturally tend to do that as well, but in HK, aesthetics is never sacrificed. i guess we too can do that, if ppl here are more adventurous and have money to invest in such edgy concepts. there is a boldness in HK design, something far different that the other places i have been or seen. the attitude of pushing the boundaries and striving to dream is intoxicating. im actually considering trying to find a job there, just so that i can be immersed in such a strong vibration to create and be creative.