i know i have heard of this song a long time ago. it especially appealed to me as i know deep down inside, i am a very old soul. only problem is, like many things in my life, i did not know what song it was, nor did i know how i could find it. memory of it soon sank deep into my subconscious, only to be reawaken after i watched "la mome", the movie on the life of edith piaf.
"padam... padam" actually doesn't mean anything in french. but after researching in on google, the song supposedly is the beat of a song that plays in the singer's head, rekindling memories of love and life, driving her, well, mad... hehehe, like many things in my life as well, like hearing the drops of a leaky faucet in the silence of the night. in any case, this song resonated well with me... so much so that i have been playing it on a loop for two days straight now and have printed out the lyrics, forcing myself to be able to sing it one of these days... told u im nuts.
here are two videos i found, one by edith piaf and the other by some russian lady named tatyana bulanovawho also did a very classy rendition. the lyrics i too will post since i'm like that :)
Padam Padam Padam
Cet air qui m'obsède jour et nuit
Cet air n'est pas né d'aujourd'hui
Il vient d'aussi loin que je viens
Traîné par cent mille musiciens
Un jour cet air me rendra folle
Cent fois j'ai voulu dire pourquoi
Mais il m'a coupé la parole
Il parle toujours avant moi
Et sa voix couvre ma voix
Padam...padam...padam...
Il arrive en courant derrière moi
Padam...padam...padam...
Il me fait le coup du souviens-toi
Padam...padam...padam...
C'est un air qui me montre du doigt
Et je traîne après moi comme un drôle d'erreur
Cet air qui sait tout par cœur
Il dit: "Rappelle-toi tes amours
Rappelle-toi puisque c'est ton tour
'y a pas d'raison pour qu'tu n'pleures pas
Avec tes souvenirs sur les bras...
" Et moi je revois ceux qui restent
Mes vingt ans font battre tambour
Je vois s'entrebattre des gestes
Toute la comédie des amours
Sur cet air qui va toujours
Padam...padam...padam...
Des "je t'aime" de quatorze-juillet
Padam...padam...padam...
Des "toujours" qu'on achète au rabais
Padam...padam...padam...
Des "veux-tu" en voilà par paquets
Et tout ça pour tomber juste au coin d'la rue
Sur l'air qui m'a reconnue
...
Écoutez le chahut qu'il me fait
...
Comme si tout mon passé défilait
...
Faut garder du chagrin pour après
J'en ai tout un solfège sur cet air qui bat...
Qui bat comme un cœur de bois...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
what i learned behind the wheel
i would like to think that i am a keen observer. having some background in medicine as well as in design, observation, if not is the most important, is one skill one has to learn how to master. there are plenty of things one can learn, as well as questions that can be answered by simply paying attention and looking at the right places.
one of the many "right places" i have found, i stumble upon whenever i drive. being the nervous driver that i am, my senses are at their peak whenever i am behind the wheel, good in a way as its a very effective solution in keeping myself alive when i throw myself into manila traffic. being in what feels like the morning "witching hour", i tend to notice the weirdest things. funny, now that i think of it, being distracted is the WORST that could happen to me while driving... anyway. allow me to share some of the factoids of life that i have learned behind the wheel:
1. garfield the cat hates mondays and so do i. mondays so far exhibit the best as well as the worst as far as traffic is concerned. best since u can notice the fresh enthusiasm in ppl as everyone seems to be extra punctual on mondays. more ppl on the road, more buses waiting for these ppl, more cars weaving in and out avoiding these buses. it's a total mess, which by the way is the worst.
2. ningas kugon, as the old saying goes. come tuesdays thru friday, you notice the gradual decongestion of the streets as, obviously, this enthusiam slowly (but surely) drains away.
3. rain is bad for gremlins, as it too is bad for pedestrians. i really cannot understand people when it rains. i mean, they would rather have themselves run down by vehicles skidding on slippery roads than get themselves wet. you see this type of people running into busy streets, with umbrella ocluding their vision of the on-coming traffic. i mean, if u really want to cross the road, cross it when the cars are stopped!!!
4. motorcyclists have a world of their own.
5. armoured cars are exempted from following any traffic rules whatsoever. they are like firetrucks or ambulances, only they carry guns and lots of cash.
6. private vehicles that sound their sirens like it makes them more gwapo is the lamest thing in the world. i especially hate it when they sound it off to tell you to move aside. i mean... FUCK YOU, i was here first.
7. korean tourists, actually, all koreans for that matter, are bad jay walkers. either they are just bad at crossing streets of they are so disciplined in their societies that "breaking" the law is as foreign to them as... well, breaking the law.
8. europeans are just as bad as the koreans, for the same reasons.
9. whoever said that women drivers are bad are grossly mistaken. men are still by a light year worse! i remember when i was younger, riding in my dad's car that whenever he would get frustrated at an indesisive or slow car that he would cuss out that it was because it's a lady driver. well, based on my personal experience, lady drivers stick to the right lanes, follow street signs, observe traffic rules, and well, are very pleasant indeed. male drivers on the other hand (cute or hideously ugly!) are still the "salot" of the streets... taxi drivers in particular.
10. one thing i can say about ladies on the road tho is, when encountering a group of girls on the road, observe that the ALWAYS cross in a flock. like geese in migration, they move in unison like telling you they have strength in numbers. it's cute when it's actually their turn to cross the street, not so much when ALL of them are jay walking. it becomes exeptionally more irritating when they become passive aggressive and start playing "patintero" with you. i mean, yes, your are flocking... but to my speeding AUV, u gals look more like bowling pins just waiting for a strike!
one of the many "right places" i have found, i stumble upon whenever i drive. being the nervous driver that i am, my senses are at their peak whenever i am behind the wheel, good in a way as its a very effective solution in keeping myself alive when i throw myself into manila traffic. being in what feels like the morning "witching hour", i tend to notice the weirdest things. funny, now that i think of it, being distracted is the WORST that could happen to me while driving... anyway. allow me to share some of the factoids of life that i have learned behind the wheel:
1. garfield the cat hates mondays and so do i. mondays so far exhibit the best as well as the worst as far as traffic is concerned. best since u can notice the fresh enthusiasm in ppl as everyone seems to be extra punctual on mondays. more ppl on the road, more buses waiting for these ppl, more cars weaving in and out avoiding these buses. it's a total mess, which by the way is the worst.
2. ningas kugon, as the old saying goes. come tuesdays thru friday, you notice the gradual decongestion of the streets as, obviously, this enthusiam slowly (but surely) drains away.
3. rain is bad for gremlins, as it too is bad for pedestrians. i really cannot understand people when it rains. i mean, they would rather have themselves run down by vehicles skidding on slippery roads than get themselves wet. you see this type of people running into busy streets, with umbrella ocluding their vision of the on-coming traffic. i mean, if u really want to cross the road, cross it when the cars are stopped!!!
4. motorcyclists have a world of their own.
5. armoured cars are exempted from following any traffic rules whatsoever. they are like firetrucks or ambulances, only they carry guns and lots of cash.
6. private vehicles that sound their sirens like it makes them more gwapo is the lamest thing in the world. i especially hate it when they sound it off to tell you to move aside. i mean... FUCK YOU, i was here first.
7. korean tourists, actually, all koreans for that matter, are bad jay walkers. either they are just bad at crossing streets of they are so disciplined in their societies that "breaking" the law is as foreign to them as... well, breaking the law.
8. europeans are just as bad as the koreans, for the same reasons.
9. whoever said that women drivers are bad are grossly mistaken. men are still by a light year worse! i remember when i was younger, riding in my dad's car that whenever he would get frustrated at an indesisive or slow car that he would cuss out that it was because it's a lady driver. well, based on my personal experience, lady drivers stick to the right lanes, follow street signs, observe traffic rules, and well, are very pleasant indeed. male drivers on the other hand (cute or hideously ugly!) are still the "salot" of the streets... taxi drivers in particular.
10. one thing i can say about ladies on the road tho is, when encountering a group of girls on the road, observe that the ALWAYS cross in a flock. like geese in migration, they move in unison like telling you they have strength in numbers. it's cute when it's actually their turn to cross the street, not so much when ALL of them are jay walking. it becomes exeptionally more irritating when they become passive aggressive and start playing "patintero" with you. i mean, yes, your are flocking... but to my speeding AUV, u gals look more like bowling pins just waiting for a strike!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
under the silver sky
today is the first day in what feels like a very long time that i did not go to work (i.e., my site). after the successful soft opening yesterday of allez hop! i decided to take the day off and focus on recharging my batteries and experiencing again some semblance of normalcy at home. i realized that it has been a while since i had a conversation with my mom that did not involve single word sentences followed by my sudden flight out the front door. it has also been quite a while since i last saw my older brother. quite remarkable since we live in the same house, in the same floor, and (still) share the same room. having a real conversation with him was also a bonus. yes, life felt like how it was again today. there were a few moments when my mind would slowly drift back into those hectic days but i stood my ground, nothing stressful today, even if just today.
funny, how i managed to get myself distracted was to actually go back to working on a new project. been spending the entire day compiling pictures as well as fixing my drawings for my presentation. it actually felt good to design again and have the juices flowing. though i don't mind seeing my work executed, i really have most of my fun when i design. this presentation has been long overdue. my client's lounge/ office and ervin's bachelor pad is gonna be spectacular!!! i hope they love it as much as they liked my proposal for allez hop!
being it "back to normalcy" day today, out of habit, i stopped work at 6pm and got ready to go to gym. i packed my bag and headed out. as i walked, i suddenly had a stroke of nostalgia (hehehe, i was never subtle when it came to drama). it seems like it too has been a while since i WALKED to my gym. i live pretty close by and to save on gas and parking money, i made it my routine to walk from home. however, lately, since i usually leave work late, i just drive myself there, too tired to actually bother going home first.
my walk felt different today. the dusk sky was a beautiful shade of cornflower blue with streaks of vermilion and cadmium here and there. the moon was rising in the distance, casting everything in an eerie wash of silver and grey. the moon light made my skin looked iridescent as all color it seemed, the evening light drained away. i noticed and basing from all the stares i got, other people noticed too. my walk made my mind at peace. i was quiet for the first time in a very long time. i found myself in a grimace and feeling frustrated since it would make it even more perfect if i knew how to whistle. as i neared my destination, i reminded myself that this thought would be something nice to write about, and so i document it now.
gym was the same. pain, sweat and lots of endorphines!
funny, how i managed to get myself distracted was to actually go back to working on a new project. been spending the entire day compiling pictures as well as fixing my drawings for my presentation. it actually felt good to design again and have the juices flowing. though i don't mind seeing my work executed, i really have most of my fun when i design. this presentation has been long overdue. my client's lounge/ office and ervin's bachelor pad is gonna be spectacular!!! i hope they love it as much as they liked my proposal for allez hop!
being it "back to normalcy" day today, out of habit, i stopped work at 6pm and got ready to go to gym. i packed my bag and headed out. as i walked, i suddenly had a stroke of nostalgia (hehehe, i was never subtle when it came to drama). it seems like it too has been a while since i WALKED to my gym. i live pretty close by and to save on gas and parking money, i made it my routine to walk from home. however, lately, since i usually leave work late, i just drive myself there, too tired to actually bother going home first.
my walk felt different today. the dusk sky was a beautiful shade of cornflower blue with streaks of vermilion and cadmium here and there. the moon was rising in the distance, casting everything in an eerie wash of silver and grey. the moon light made my skin looked iridescent as all color it seemed, the evening light drained away. i noticed and basing from all the stares i got, other people noticed too. my walk made my mind at peace. i was quiet for the first time in a very long time. i found myself in a grimace and feeling frustrated since it would make it even more perfect if i knew how to whistle. as i neared my destination, i reminded myself that this thought would be something nice to write about, and so i document it now.
gym was the same. pain, sweat and lots of endorphines!
Monday, August 25, 2008
super sunday
one week of stress, sleeplessness and well, saw dust and paint fumes have culminated to a calm, laughter resounding, peaceful event comprising of my client and her staff. i lingered for a while to be introduced to people but eventually took my leave as i suddenly realized, my life did not just solely revolved around wood works, masonry and furniture.... i was also NINONG!!!
i had a birthday party to attend and i still have nothing to give my first godson. my childhood friend franz was gracious enough to make me one of the godparents to her lovely boy, chandler lee (charlee for short) when she gave birth to him two years ago. unlike all the other god parents though, i was the only one who has never seen the kid... EVER! god parenting via cyberspace was all i could offer since during that first year or so i was based in dubai, and since coming back, through one reason or another, i could not manage to go see her and the boy. sunday's birthday party ALMOST became one of those days again but i figured, enough is enough... get myself a life ba? after making beso-beso to my client at her party, i drove myself to rustan's and practically started harassing the sales ppl to help me get a gift.
sunday morning. not much sleep yet since i dozed off at around 4am. weather looked gloomy and true enough, it started to rain... perfect weather for more sleep. dropped off mom at church and drove to the nestle creamery. got there rather early and decided to wait in the car, in the rain... wanted to sleep some more but was afraid i might a.) have people see me drool while i slept b.) miss the party while i was drooling in my sleep, and c.) mess my hair.
at around 11am, people started trickling in. went in and waited for familiar faces to hob nob with. finally, the gang arrived, the kids arrived and the birthday boy. i finally got to see him.
the party went about normally though throughout the entire event, i could not seem to sit still. to be honest, kid's parties scare me :) they are probably the most benign event an adult can attend but it always raises a deeply set anxiety for me. i tried to distract myself to talking with my friends and walking around but i could never fully manage to shake it off.
games, a magic show, dancing ice creamery dudes and an emcee that resembles thom filicia later, food was finally served. sorry if it sounded like it was the only thing i was looking froward to but, well, it was the only thing i was looking forward to. i was sooooo hungry i could eat a kid! it also helped my modesty that i was not the only one who looked like i was famished since the moment they opened the buffet, a line appeared almost instantaneously.
dancing ice creameries :) i liked the guy at the far left. he danced good :) all the other girls were just lame.
KIMI the mascot. almost burst out in cold sweat. i HATE mascots... the scare the living shit out of me! charlee was however mesmerized.
the pièce de résistance of the event was a cake baked by franz and another pastry chef friend of ours. it was a beautiful aqua iced mocha cake, something that looked so deadly, i didn't even bother thinking of having a bite since i was afraid i'd have a rush while driving back home. it was a sore moment though since the cake looked so damn f-ing good. the afternoon was up and my relatives started texting what time i'd be home, my cue to bid my friends adieu. i thank franz for the great party and drove back home to join my fam to see cars... 'twas the international car show at the world trade, one of a few events we can bribe my dad with to come out of the house on a sunday.
the car show was probably the most testosterone charged event i have even been to besides gym, so much so, i almost convinced myself i was straight... then, reality slaps me back into place when a cute boy stood beside me and looked at me from head to toe (taray!). anyway... fell head over heels in love with this machine. i'm not really the most car savy person in the world. neither am i the most practical when it comes to dream cars but this one was an orgasmic experience just WAITING to happen. the AUDI R8.
doesn't it almost make u wanna start clicking your ruby red slippers and start wishing "i wish i had this car, i wish i had this car!!!"
i had a birthday party to attend and i still have nothing to give my first godson. my childhood friend franz was gracious enough to make me one of the godparents to her lovely boy, chandler lee (charlee for short) when she gave birth to him two years ago. unlike all the other god parents though, i was the only one who has never seen the kid... EVER! god parenting via cyberspace was all i could offer since during that first year or so i was based in dubai, and since coming back, through one reason or another, i could not manage to go see her and the boy. sunday's birthday party ALMOST became one of those days again but i figured, enough is enough... get myself a life ba? after making beso-beso to my client at her party, i drove myself to rustan's and practically started harassing the sales ppl to help me get a gift.
sunday morning. not much sleep yet since i dozed off at around 4am. weather looked gloomy and true enough, it started to rain... perfect weather for more sleep. dropped off mom at church and drove to the nestle creamery. got there rather early and decided to wait in the car, in the rain... wanted to sleep some more but was afraid i might a.) have people see me drool while i slept b.) miss the party while i was drooling in my sleep, and c.) mess my hair.
at around 11am, people started trickling in. went in and waited for familiar faces to hob nob with. finally, the gang arrived, the kids arrived and the birthday boy. i finally got to see him.
the party went about normally though throughout the entire event, i could not seem to sit still. to be honest, kid's parties scare me :) they are probably the most benign event an adult can attend but it always raises a deeply set anxiety for me. i tried to distract myself to talking with my friends and walking around but i could never fully manage to shake it off.
games, a magic show, dancing ice creamery dudes and an emcee that resembles thom filicia later, food was finally served. sorry if it sounded like it was the only thing i was looking froward to but, well, it was the only thing i was looking forward to. i was sooooo hungry i could eat a kid! it also helped my modesty that i was not the only one who looked like i was famished since the moment they opened the buffet, a line appeared almost instantaneously.
dancing ice creameries :) i liked the guy at the far left. he danced good :) all the other girls were just lame.
KIMI the mascot. almost burst out in cold sweat. i HATE mascots... the scare the living shit out of me! charlee was however mesmerized.the pièce de résistance of the event was a cake baked by franz and another pastry chef friend of ours. it was a beautiful aqua iced mocha cake, something that looked so deadly, i didn't even bother thinking of having a bite since i was afraid i'd have a rush while driving back home. it was a sore moment though since the cake looked so damn f-ing good. the afternoon was up and my relatives started texting what time i'd be home, my cue to bid my friends adieu. i thank franz for the great party and drove back home to join my fam to see cars... 'twas the international car show at the world trade, one of a few events we can bribe my dad with to come out of the house on a sunday.
the car show was probably the most testosterone charged event i have even been to besides gym, so much so, i almost convinced myself i was straight... then, reality slaps me back into place when a cute boy stood beside me and looked at me from head to toe (taray!). anyway... fell head over heels in love with this machine. i'm not really the most car savy person in the world. neither am i the most practical when it comes to dream cars but this one was an orgasmic experience just WAITING to happen. the AUDI R8.
doesn't it almost make u wanna start clicking your ruby red slippers and start wishing "i wish i had this car, i wish i had this car!!!"
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
my first experience with a little blue pill
it was a very weird feeling as i woke up this morning. i distinctly remember thinking as i rolled onto my back that something was amiss. it was still dark in my room, as it always is even if it's already late in the morning. since i was still half awake and half asleep, i really didn't take that much notice. i got up, turned my vanity light on, looked at myself in the mirror.... "man, i look haggard". i surveyed my pale neck and chest. my allergies haven't flared up yet, good. turned the lights off. walked to the door and felt strange again. why it didn't kick in that i should pay closer attention to what my body was telling me, i can only blame on my lethargy. walked out into the morning light. took my morning meds and started to do my morning routine. walked past our full length mirror when it hit me!
i walked briskly back into my quarters and went straight to the bathroom. i knew it! i knew this was gonna happen.... man, so that's what xenical does to you!!!!
i walked briskly back into my quarters and went straight to the bathroom. i knew it! i knew this was gonna happen.... man, so that's what xenical does to you!!!!
Monday, August 18, 2008
stress free sunday, NOT.
lazy sunday.
passed by site today even if i told myself i was going to stay away.
asked mom to go to makati with me after church.
wanted to watch a movie but mom doesn't like going into cinemas so had to do last minute changes. ended up hunting for mom's perfect (cheap) blood red bag and my elusive fashion article for the year! (both items, we never found)
decided to have a good dinner instead. was supposed to head out to felix but had a change of heart at the last minute. ended up at tony roma's instead.
should have went to felix. had a bad experience with the service at tony roma's. so bad i could not help but want to get myself out of there as fast as i can. mom tried to pacify me but to no avail. i have been pissed beyond the point of no return.
tried to get a shopping high but shopping fairy, i think, was on vacation. nothing even compelled me to consider spending.
saw a popular chinese wedding singer at landmark. saw ito kish and some cute boy he was making "akbay". saw ben chan and miguel pastor as well a few minutes later. hmm, other fairies were out today then :)
was at zara and notice a commotion in the women's section. turned out regine tolentino (i think) was shopping and had her entire possy with her. shoppers were making "chismoso", i cudnt be bothered.
took a photo of my get up for the day while in the dressing room of springfield. kurta looking top from giordano concepts, linen shorts from same store, my man-purse, and my white chucks. la lang.
passed by site today even if i told myself i was going to stay away.
asked mom to go to makati with me after church.
wanted to watch a movie but mom doesn't like going into cinemas so had to do last minute changes. ended up hunting for mom's perfect (cheap) blood red bag and my elusive fashion article for the year! (both items, we never found)
decided to have a good dinner instead. was supposed to head out to felix but had a change of heart at the last minute. ended up at tony roma's instead.
should have went to felix. had a bad experience with the service at tony roma's. so bad i could not help but want to get myself out of there as fast as i can. mom tried to pacify me but to no avail. i have been pissed beyond the point of no return.
tried to get a shopping high but shopping fairy, i think, was on vacation. nothing even compelled me to consider spending.
saw a popular chinese wedding singer at landmark. saw ito kish and some cute boy he was making "akbay". saw ben chan and miguel pastor as well a few minutes later. hmm, other fairies were out today then :)
was at zara and notice a commotion in the women's section. turned out regine tolentino (i think) was shopping and had her entire possy with her. shoppers were making "chismoso", i cudnt be bothered.
took a photo of my get up for the day while in the dressing room of springfield. kurta looking top from giordano concepts, linen shorts from same store, my man-purse, and my white chucks. la lang.Friday, August 15, 2008
wandering with mom
people often call me a mama's boy since i guess i bring her up in conversations more than once. to be honest, i really don't mind being one, if that really is what i am. i don't see any reason why i should feel embarrassed for having a relationship with my mom. throughout the highs and lows in my life, she has been one of the faithful constants (besides God, that is) by my side. i don't know where i would be or what i would have turned out if it weren't for her.
out of gratitude for all that she has done for me, i try my best to be available whenever she needs me, as she has always been when i needed her. today was one of those days.
mom was scheduled to have a procedure done at the hospital. nothing serious really, it was more routine than diagnostic. despite this, mom wanted me to accompany her. mom can be brave at times but she has never felt comfortable in hospitals, like how she is with planes. besides being her instantaneous medical consultant ("e! jamieson ah, sa mi si atherosclerotic aorta ah?"), i am also her bodyguard/ yaya. i guess since hospitals don't really intimidate me, she draws strength on my apparent comfort in these environs.
after her procedure, we headed out to have brunch. she's been rather cranky since her procedure required her to fast for 2 days. even before the procedure started, she was already planning where to break her fast. i knew mom didn't like chinese food (surprising since, well, we ARE chinese) so just to suit her taste buds, i suggested to go to mcdo instead, a suggestion she obviously found favorable. a (disgustingly artery clogging) quarter pounder with cheese later, we were done. mom asked me if i had anything planned for the day, i told her i freed up my sked since i didn't know how long her procedure was going to take. she then said that she's going to consider today as our date. by date, she actually meant that i accompany her to do errands.
after brunch, we headed to buy food for, well lunch. there was this nice noodle shop near the hospital that sold hand pulled noodles. it's quite famous and i have brought home some before. mom has never been there and i knew she would find it amusing to see how the noodles are made. true enough, she was mesmerized by the skill of the cook as he, almost like magic, turned a lump of dough into stings of even stranded noodles in no less than seven (i counted) moves. we took home their specialty beef noodles while mom had the seafood variety. having food out of the way, we headed off to the bank. can't really talk about that since i'd be basically telling the world how broke i am. well, needless to say, i was just there to sign a couple of documents just to comfort myself that i am still afloat, even if barely.
three tasks down and not even noon. we were doing good time i have to say. mom thought so too. being the efficient monster that she is, she thought of having a haircut as well. her parlor was in the neighborhood and her "suking" beautician is on duty today. so off we went to her hair salon. i used to have my haircut there before when we lived in the area. it has changed a lot since i last remember it, unfortunately, the change was for the worse. the place had cheesy interiors that looks like the color scheme was buko pandan. it was warm since i dont think the a/c was even turned on, and the place didn't have water. could u imagine that, NO WATER. my moms stylist was this young guy that looked more like a student than a stylist. in my opinion, he didn't really do a good job at cutting my mom's hair, but for 80 bucks, u really can't complain. well, actually, u can. ako pa!
sensing that i was tired (haven't had good sleep for the past few days and still wake up early for work), mom decided to call it a day. she blamed it on my dad probably waiting for us to bring home food and suggested we hurry home. i was too tired to respond and just followed her lead.
overall, i enjoyed my day off with mom, even if it wasn't as long as i wanted it to last. i hope to have more time like this with her, especially now that we are all getting older and moments shared like this happen less and less.
throughout the entire morning that i spent with her today, i cherish a detail that has always been special to me, that is when my mom would hold onto my arm when we walk. she does it unconsciously, holding on to me for added balance or even just so that we walk at the same pace. a small gesture, but special nonetheless. it tells me that i now offer her the security she needs, just like how i used to feel secure when i cling to her when i was little.
pic i took of myself while waiting for my mom's procedure to finish. la lang. i liked the ensemble. pink V-necked long sleeve, a gift care of kay from japan, my houndstooth belt (can't see in this shot), my cargo shorts and my chucks.
out of gratitude for all that she has done for me, i try my best to be available whenever she needs me, as she has always been when i needed her. today was one of those days.
mom was scheduled to have a procedure done at the hospital. nothing serious really, it was more routine than diagnostic. despite this, mom wanted me to accompany her. mom can be brave at times but she has never felt comfortable in hospitals, like how she is with planes. besides being her instantaneous medical consultant ("e! jamieson ah, sa mi si atherosclerotic aorta ah?"), i am also her bodyguard/ yaya. i guess since hospitals don't really intimidate me, she draws strength on my apparent comfort in these environs.
after her procedure, we headed out to have brunch. she's been rather cranky since her procedure required her to fast for 2 days. even before the procedure started, she was already planning where to break her fast. i knew mom didn't like chinese food (surprising since, well, we ARE chinese) so just to suit her taste buds, i suggested to go to mcdo instead, a suggestion she obviously found favorable. a (disgustingly artery clogging) quarter pounder with cheese later, we were done. mom asked me if i had anything planned for the day, i told her i freed up my sked since i didn't know how long her procedure was going to take. she then said that she's going to consider today as our date. by date, she actually meant that i accompany her to do errands.
after brunch, we headed to buy food for, well lunch. there was this nice noodle shop near the hospital that sold hand pulled noodles. it's quite famous and i have brought home some before. mom has never been there and i knew she would find it amusing to see how the noodles are made. true enough, she was mesmerized by the skill of the cook as he, almost like magic, turned a lump of dough into stings of even stranded noodles in no less than seven (i counted) moves. we took home their specialty beef noodles while mom had the seafood variety. having food out of the way, we headed off to the bank. can't really talk about that since i'd be basically telling the world how broke i am. well, needless to say, i was just there to sign a couple of documents just to comfort myself that i am still afloat, even if barely.
three tasks down and not even noon. we were doing good time i have to say. mom thought so too. being the efficient monster that she is, she thought of having a haircut as well. her parlor was in the neighborhood and her "suking" beautician is on duty today. so off we went to her hair salon. i used to have my haircut there before when we lived in the area. it has changed a lot since i last remember it, unfortunately, the change was for the worse. the place had cheesy interiors that looks like the color scheme was buko pandan. it was warm since i dont think the a/c was even turned on, and the place didn't have water. could u imagine that, NO WATER. my moms stylist was this young guy that looked more like a student than a stylist. in my opinion, he didn't really do a good job at cutting my mom's hair, but for 80 bucks, u really can't complain. well, actually, u can. ako pa!
sensing that i was tired (haven't had good sleep for the past few days and still wake up early for work), mom decided to call it a day. she blamed it on my dad probably waiting for us to bring home food and suggested we hurry home. i was too tired to respond and just followed her lead.
overall, i enjoyed my day off with mom, even if it wasn't as long as i wanted it to last. i hope to have more time like this with her, especially now that we are all getting older and moments shared like this happen less and less.
throughout the entire morning that i spent with her today, i cherish a detail that has always been special to me, that is when my mom would hold onto my arm when we walk. she does it unconsciously, holding on to me for added balance or even just so that we walk at the same pace. a small gesture, but special nonetheless. it tells me that i now offer her the security she needs, just like how i used to feel secure when i cling to her when i was little.
pic i took of myself while waiting for my mom's procedure to finish. la lang. i liked the ensemble. pink V-necked long sleeve, a gift care of kay from japan, my houndstooth belt (can't see in this shot), my cargo shorts and my chucks. Thursday, August 14, 2008
faking it
short of sounding like i am outing myself as a hypocrite, i have to admit, i am guilty of many accounts of being a faker. in the years of my existence, i have intentionally dooped countless people into thinking of fictitious scenarios and feeling baseless emotions. these people have been the victims of, not a malicious act, but a mere survival technique that i learned to make people either feel better about themselves (often at my expense, which by some reason, make me feel better as well) or for them to "drop it" and just leave me alone.
i have faked happiness, compassion, wisdom, enlightenment, satisfaction, concern, excitement, interest, purpose, passion, intelligence, strength, courage, enthusiasm, friendship, love, devotion, and yes, even "THAT". funny, looking back at my list, seems like none of them are negative. does that mean that i am just one sad lonely schmuck deluding myself into thinking i am actually fine?
i have faked happiness, compassion, wisdom, enlightenment, satisfaction, concern, excitement, interest, purpose, passion, intelligence, strength, courage, enthusiasm, friendship, love, devotion, and yes, even "THAT". funny, looking back at my list, seems like none of them are negative. does that mean that i am just one sad lonely schmuck deluding myself into thinking i am actually fine?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
a "la lang" post
having been disconnected for the past couple of days and not having blogged about anything has left me in a rut. hoping top overcome the inertia, i am blogging just for the sake of blogging...
hmmm, was driving to work this morning when i remembered about a topic that would be interesting to write about. unfortunately for me, i have the memory of a potato and that topic is now long lost among the plethora of other mental vomits i have conjured and then forgot. sigh, and to think that i knew it would a good thing to write about... tsk, tsk.
things about today that i think made it different from the rest:
1. melloida's birthday.
2. meeting castro from college after not seeing him in ages!
3. being intoxicated with paint fumes.
4. eating at makati's "jolly jeep" for the first time.
5. having kamote fries from the "jolly jeep".
6. hearing ervin talk about his medical, his first time to strip naked in front of a doctor.
7. having my foreman have his first experience with pei pa koa, and now he's addicted to the stuff.
8. saw a cute guy at the elevator :) in gym attire!!!!
9. exercising my divaness at site over my laminate floor installers.
10. did my good deed for the day by allowing pedestrians to cross even if i had right of way. it also helped that they were beautiful europeans touring in chinatown.
hmmm, was driving to work this morning when i remembered about a topic that would be interesting to write about. unfortunately for me, i have the memory of a potato and that topic is now long lost among the plethora of other mental vomits i have conjured and then forgot. sigh, and to think that i knew it would a good thing to write about... tsk, tsk.
things about today that i think made it different from the rest:
1. melloida's birthday.
2. meeting castro from college after not seeing him in ages!
3. being intoxicated with paint fumes.
4. eating at makati's "jolly jeep" for the first time.
5. having kamote fries from the "jolly jeep".
6. hearing ervin talk about his medical, his first time to strip naked in front of a doctor.
7. having my foreman have his first experience with pei pa koa, and now he's addicted to the stuff.
8. saw a cute guy at the elevator :) in gym attire!!!!
9. exercising my divaness at site over my laminate floor installers.
10. did my good deed for the day by allowing pedestrians to cross even if i had right of way. it also helped that they were beautiful europeans touring in chinatown.
Monday, August 11, 2008
THERAPY!!!!!!!!!
THERAPY!!!! thank goodness i'm finally back online!! after a grueling 4 days of no internet (thank you PLDT for driving me close to insanity), our connection was finally fixed today (cue in handel's "the messiah").
i have been pacing like a junkie on withdrawal for the past few "disconnected" days. i kept my PC on for the entire duration hoping, praying that by some chance the internet would kick in and i be finally put out of my misery. i felt guilty at first for increasing my carbon footprint by doing so but by day 2, i really didn't give a shit anymore!!!! I NEEDED MY INTERNET!! i couldn't work, i couldn't sleep (well), i couldn't do anything. my day just did not feel right and the feeling was incessantly gnawing.
i was worrying how many messages i have received, how many emails, alerts and how many new entries i have not read! with the internet disconnected, i realized that i was robbed of my morning and evening routines and my social life suddenly fell dead quiet. PLDT was obviously no help. despite my complaints and consistent updates of how SUCKY their service is, since PLDT has monopoly of providing inernet in my area, all i could do is wait for them to "decide" to do something. four agonizing days later, i finally got my reprieve.
sorry folks if i am sounding a bit too severe, i am an addict who just got his fix!
i have been pacing like a junkie on withdrawal for the past few "disconnected" days. i kept my PC on for the entire duration hoping, praying that by some chance the internet would kick in and i be finally put out of my misery. i felt guilty at first for increasing my carbon footprint by doing so but by day 2, i really didn't give a shit anymore!!!! I NEEDED MY INTERNET!! i couldn't work, i couldn't sleep (well), i couldn't do anything. my day just did not feel right and the feeling was incessantly gnawing.
i was worrying how many messages i have received, how many emails, alerts and how many new entries i have not read! with the internet disconnected, i realized that i was robbed of my morning and evening routines and my social life suddenly fell dead quiet. PLDT was obviously no help. despite my complaints and consistent updates of how SUCKY their service is, since PLDT has monopoly of providing inernet in my area, all i could do is wait for them to "decide" to do something. four agonizing days later, i finally got my reprieve.
sorry folks if i am sounding a bit too severe, i am an addict who just got his fix!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
blogging my way to joy
things about my day that made me happy, in no particular order:
1. got to talk to kuya about his new found love, lomography.
2. got to score a great deal with my fabric supplier. u just have to LOVE a discount.
3. had someone compliment me for the shirt i was wearing... cute pa siya :)
4. nothing "bad" happened.
5. was able to balance all my accounts.
6. had a great lunch yesterday with to-die-for prawn salad from yin-yin restaurant.
7. was able to coordinate with my suppliers and have had no major glitches so far.
8. was able to read about LAGALAG.
9. was able to view the DISCOVERY CHANNEL VIDEO again
10. got to talk with kuya and him finally getting to meet FA, who was his FA on his flight to HK (daming acronyms in a sentence!!)
11. i love the weather.
12. friendly people at gym.
13. friendly people online.
14. having my creative juices flowing again for a new project proposal.
15. visiting my favorite design sites and getting TONS of ideas.
16. not dwelling on the negative but striving to focus on the positive.
17. having genuine friends.
18. my newly kalbo-ed shih-tzu who now looks like a large yorkie! still with the underbite.
19. family discussion over lunch about soaring gas prices and ways of cutting down costs... like getting a smaller car :)
20. sleeping without turning on the A/C and yet, still cold enough to actually cover myself with a comforter.
21. doing my sets at the gym without experiencing too much pain (recovering from an injury).
22. enjoying the fact that i have new shirts to wear, care of kuya, fresh from giordano concepts in HK, so far my favorite store.
23. commuting to chinatown and just get myself lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday commerce.
24. thinking. feeling. loving. breathing.
25. listening to the soundtrack of "mamma mia" and singing my heart out to "dancing queen". campy but fun! didn't care if my parents could hear me :)
1. got to talk to kuya about his new found love, lomography.
2. got to score a great deal with my fabric supplier. u just have to LOVE a discount.
3. had someone compliment me for the shirt i was wearing... cute pa siya :)
4. nothing "bad" happened.
5. was able to balance all my accounts.
6. had a great lunch yesterday with to-die-for prawn salad from yin-yin restaurant.
7. was able to coordinate with my suppliers and have had no major glitches so far.
8. was able to read about LAGALAG.
9. was able to view the DISCOVERY CHANNEL VIDEO again
10. got to talk with kuya and him finally getting to meet FA, who was his FA on his flight to HK (daming acronyms in a sentence!!)
11. i love the weather.
12. friendly people at gym.
13. friendly people online.
14. having my creative juices flowing again for a new project proposal.
15. visiting my favorite design sites and getting TONS of ideas.
16. not dwelling on the negative but striving to focus on the positive.
17. having genuine friends.
18. my newly kalbo-ed shih-tzu who now looks like a large yorkie! still with the underbite.
19. family discussion over lunch about soaring gas prices and ways of cutting down costs... like getting a smaller car :)
20. sleeping without turning on the A/C and yet, still cold enough to actually cover myself with a comforter.
21. doing my sets at the gym without experiencing too much pain (recovering from an injury).
22. enjoying the fact that i have new shirts to wear, care of kuya, fresh from giordano concepts in HK, so far my favorite store.
23. commuting to chinatown and just get myself lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday commerce.
24. thinking. feeling. loving. breathing.
25. listening to the soundtrack of "mamma mia" and singing my heart out to "dancing queen". campy but fun! didn't care if my parents could hear me :)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
happy memories
last friday, we threw my client a surprise birthday party. ervin, my former classmate and head conspirator had us all come in at different times just to throw my client off. i am happy to say that through his meticulousness, we were able to pull off a good one! i'm posting pics here from that day, care of sherwin and richie, to remind me of good times.
surprise!!!! those candles were damn hard to blow!!! was worried for a moment there that fran might get light headed from blowing.
the allez hop! family, minus richie since he was camera man
fran and i, damn my iridescent whiteness!!
ervin and fran, the ones who started it all for me. my gratitude for them knows no bounds.
with richie, my "other" brother. pardon the sweaty stains. got stuck in the basement waiting for the slowest elevator in the world to take me to the 15th floor!
ervin, richie and the wandering polar bear
with fran and richie
opening presents!!
ervin with mauser, fran's tabby cat. by far the cutest, most beautiful cat i have seen!
ervin belting to the tunes of wency cornejo!
richie, sherwin and ervin, my compares :)
surprise!!!! those candles were damn hard to blow!!! was worried for a moment there that fran might get light headed from blowing.
the allez hop! family, minus richie since he was camera man
fran and i, damn my iridescent whiteness!!
ervin and fran, the ones who started it all for me. my gratitude for them knows no bounds.
with richie, my "other" brother. pardon the sweaty stains. got stuck in the basement waiting for the slowest elevator in the world to take me to the 15th floor!
ervin, richie and the wandering polar bear
with fran and richie
opening presents!!
ervin with mauser, fran's tabby cat. by far the cutest, most beautiful cat i have seen!
ervin belting to the tunes of wency cornejo!
richie, sherwin and ervin, my compares :)Monday, August 4, 2008
ibang klase araw!
panic attacks, weird vendors, free meals and resto wifi, those would be the words i would use if someone asked me to describe my day.
today was supposed to be just of of those ordinary days wherein i force myself to wake, drive to site, take a look see and probably chat up with my client (if she's there), pretty ordinary. but alas, today did not turn out to be as ordinary as i hoped.
my "day" actually started yesterday come to think of it. while on site last saturday, richie and i came across this huge painting that i thought would look nice at my soon to finish site. a guy (whom i originally found attactive) was transporting it from atop of his vehicle into a gallery that was located on the 3rd floor of our building. after showing interest and hinting of a possible transaction with the guy, we traded numbers and parted ways. late sunday evening while i was in the middle of contemplating where to have dinner at trinoma (was taking my aunt to dinner), said guy called to relay some "very" good news. apparently, said painting (by notable artist ivan acuna, no less) was being sold by its former owner for a bargain. he was asking if i was interested. cutting the long story short, i met up with the guy early this morning and gave him a down payment and got the ginormous painting. here now comes the really unsettling part... though i would pride myself as a good bargain hunter and more so, a good bargainer, i however feel like i was had with this particular deal. this guy (whom, after googling his name, i found out was a former actress' ex husband, a musician, and the sibling of a VERY famous architect/ interior designer) was just sending me all the wrong signals, so much so that my spidey-senses have been going bezerk the moment i shook his hand! why i still carried on with the sale despite my doubts, i do not know. though he seems to legit, i just can't seem to shake off the icky feeling that there is something not right about him.
i drove home feeling sick to my gut. my anxiety attack had set in. i got home, googled the painting's name and the artist, both exists (good). googled vendors name (he exists as well). though this calmed me down a bit, i was still unable to get rid of that heavy feeling i had inside. i prayed and prayed some more, hoping for some form of relief. i took a nap, woke up and it was still there. what bothers me actually, more than the felling that i got hoodwinked, is the feeling that i was really stupid. REALLY stupid! i had to tell my mom and ask for her advice.... after being berated for acting SO STUPIDLY, all she could say to me as well is that i pray. pray that the guy isn't a scammer.
i needed to clear my head so i headed to the gym. it worked like a charm, brain shut off and i was in my zone for a good two hours. then i got home and it all came back to me again (enter celine dion singing "it's all coming back to me now").
***
it's now 10pm. i drove my mom here to makati where she's having dinner with friends. i was invited as well but decided to sit this one out. i had work to do and also did not like to be the only (unmarried) guy in a table full of moms... u know what i'm hinting towards right? anyway, they met up with a friend at her resto here at glorietta. upon learning that i was not coming along, mom's friend was generous enough to offer me a free meal, anything my heart desired to order!!! i told her i needed to work. her offer then included the use of the resto's wifi.
a great dinner and wifi galore later, i am happy to say i am in better spirits now than i was a few hours earlier. how i will be tomorrow? well, abangan ang susunod na entry.
today was supposed to be just of of those ordinary days wherein i force myself to wake, drive to site, take a look see and probably chat up with my client (if she's there), pretty ordinary. but alas, today did not turn out to be as ordinary as i hoped.
my "day" actually started yesterday come to think of it. while on site last saturday, richie and i came across this huge painting that i thought would look nice at my soon to finish site. a guy (whom i originally found attactive) was transporting it from atop of his vehicle into a gallery that was located on the 3rd floor of our building. after showing interest and hinting of a possible transaction with the guy, we traded numbers and parted ways. late sunday evening while i was in the middle of contemplating where to have dinner at trinoma (was taking my aunt to dinner), said guy called to relay some "very" good news. apparently, said painting (by notable artist ivan acuna, no less) was being sold by its former owner for a bargain. he was asking if i was interested. cutting the long story short, i met up with the guy early this morning and gave him a down payment and got the ginormous painting. here now comes the really unsettling part... though i would pride myself as a good bargain hunter and more so, a good bargainer, i however feel like i was had with this particular deal. this guy (whom, after googling his name, i found out was a former actress' ex husband, a musician, and the sibling of a VERY famous architect/ interior designer) was just sending me all the wrong signals, so much so that my spidey-senses have been going bezerk the moment i shook his hand! why i still carried on with the sale despite my doubts, i do not know. though he seems to legit, i just can't seem to shake off the icky feeling that there is something not right about him.
i drove home feeling sick to my gut. my anxiety attack had set in. i got home, googled the painting's name and the artist, both exists (good). googled vendors name (he exists as well). though this calmed me down a bit, i was still unable to get rid of that heavy feeling i had inside. i prayed and prayed some more, hoping for some form of relief. i took a nap, woke up and it was still there. what bothers me actually, more than the felling that i got hoodwinked, is the feeling that i was really stupid. REALLY stupid! i had to tell my mom and ask for her advice.... after being berated for acting SO STUPIDLY, all she could say to me as well is that i pray. pray that the guy isn't a scammer.
i needed to clear my head so i headed to the gym. it worked like a charm, brain shut off and i was in my zone for a good two hours. then i got home and it all came back to me again (enter celine dion singing "it's all coming back to me now").
***
it's now 10pm. i drove my mom here to makati where she's having dinner with friends. i was invited as well but decided to sit this one out. i had work to do and also did not like to be the only (unmarried) guy in a table full of moms... u know what i'm hinting towards right? anyway, they met up with a friend at her resto here at glorietta. upon learning that i was not coming along, mom's friend was generous enough to offer me a free meal, anything my heart desired to order!!! i told her i needed to work. her offer then included the use of the resto's wifi.
a great dinner and wifi galore later, i am happy to say i am in better spirits now than i was a few hours earlier. how i will be tomorrow? well, abangan ang susunod na entry.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
does this mean, i'll be a godmother?
sorry for the rather campy title. don't worry, life has not turned me THAT gay yet.
i received an urgent sounding email from a dear friend from HK yesterday, entitled "heard the news". of course, it doesn't sound as exciting as "HAVE U HEARD!!!???", but considering this friend of mine rarely writes about potentially ear bleeding gossip or the like, "heard the news" was as energy packed of a title as you can go!
i opened the email and found out that another good european friend of mine finally proposed to his long time GF. not really gossip that i was expecting and at that time, i REALLY needed some scandalous stuff to jump start my day. anyway, after i was able to pry my dislocated jaw off my shi-tzu's mouth and recollect my teeth that got scattered all over our terrazzo floor, i re-read the mail again. slowly this time. they're really getting married, i said out loud.
the email was not yet clear as my HK friend ended it with "will confirm and get details..." yada, yada, yada. but for me, well, what other detail do i have to wait for? it's pretty clear.
the shock has not fully sink in yet. honestly, i don't really want to think about it since doing so just gets me emotional. i really should be happy, after all, i am close to both people and them getting hitch is definitely the next step, but i don't know why i am not... well, not yet that is. only thing i could reply to the email with was.... "does this mean, i'll be a godmother?"
congrats to the newly engaged couple. my well wishes to both of you on the great day!!!! blame it on the rain and days of insomnia for my lack of enthusiasm on the greeting. i'll do better when i see you both in person when you visit! song and dance pa kamo!!!!!!!
i received an urgent sounding email from a dear friend from HK yesterday, entitled "heard the news". of course, it doesn't sound as exciting as "HAVE U HEARD!!!???", but considering this friend of mine rarely writes about potentially ear bleeding gossip or the like, "heard the news" was as energy packed of a title as you can go!
i opened the email and found out that another good european friend of mine finally proposed to his long time GF. not really gossip that i was expecting and at that time, i REALLY needed some scandalous stuff to jump start my day. anyway, after i was able to pry my dislocated jaw off my shi-tzu's mouth and recollect my teeth that got scattered all over our terrazzo floor, i re-read the mail again. slowly this time. they're really getting married, i said out loud.
the email was not yet clear as my HK friend ended it with "will confirm and get details..." yada, yada, yada. but for me, well, what other detail do i have to wait for? it's pretty clear.
the shock has not fully sink in yet. honestly, i don't really want to think about it since doing so just gets me emotional. i really should be happy, after all, i am close to both people and them getting hitch is definitely the next step, but i don't know why i am not... well, not yet that is. only thing i could reply to the email with was.... "does this mean, i'll be a godmother?"
congrats to the newly engaged couple. my well wishes to both of you on the great day!!!! blame it on the rain and days of insomnia for my lack of enthusiasm on the greeting. i'll do better when i see you both in person when you visit! song and dance pa kamo!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)